General Discussion

Ilsa

(64,356 posts)

24. I know what you mean. These are parents who

Sat May 9, 2015, 09:50 AM

May 2015

Tend to do everything for their kids beyond the developmental stage at which the child or teen or young adult should learn to do for themselves. They grow up being micromanaged. And then the parents wonder why they don't have the confidence to manage the day-to-day activities of their own, much less the big stuff.

Had a fight with a grandparent to my kids who was visiting for a month. She wanted to do my kids' chores for them. (She wanted to feel useful and for them to be endeared to her.) I told her to stop; they have to do their own so they won't grow up helpless and expecting the world to cater to their needs. I had to explain to her that she wasn't doing them any favors by excessively helping them. She fought pretty hard, but eventually she realized I was right and stopped interfering.

Edit history

Please sign in to view edit histories.

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

86 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

Highlight:

How helicopter parents are ruining college students [View all] mfcorey1 May 2015 OP

+1000 smirkymonkey May 2015 #1

Interesting angle.... However this labeling of parents might be earned from the midnight May 2015 #2

That's a different issue. CBHagman May 2015 #8

Different issue same label-helicopter parenting... midnight May 2015 #12

I know what you mean. These are parents who Ilsa May 2015 #24

I always remind overprotective, overindulgent parents that they are NOT raising a child; they tblue37 May 2015 #85

Helicopter parents on this board, take my cousin Robby as a cautionary tale roguevalley May 2015 #46

Hmm... onpatrol98 May 2015 #55

I think you miss the suffocation of his life and soul roguevalley May 2015 #60

When I was a freshman in college the mother of one of my friends laid out her clothes every morning. Hekate May 2015 #73

Too true! College kids working their way through cannot get much beyond $7,000 a year Dustlawyer May 2015 #9

So instead of the dorms, you were creative and used the RV? midnight May 2015 #13

Dorms cost a lot more, yes. I bought a used travel trailer for cheap and planned it out Dustlawyer May 2015 #15

Such a great idea... midnight May 2015 #83

I got lucky on the trailer. A husband and wife were going to get a divorce so he bought the Dustlawyer May 2015 #86

The kids are at fault here too FLPanhandle May 2015 #3

I totally agree CanonRay May 2015 #5

Same for me, except I was 18. My parents didn't even help me fill out college apps. Now, Nay May 2015 #14

I had that issue too - TBF May 2015 #21

It doesn't sound like your parents scrutinized and critiqued everything down to your skivvies. roguevalley May 2015 #47

It would have to be bad enough to make a phone call treestar May 2015 #16

So true - TBF May 2015 #20

Agreed, this is the part of the story I don't get. Butterbean May 2015 #34

That's because you didn't have helicopter parents. (nt) jeff47 May 2015 #69

Too many parents today want to be their kids' best friend. X_Digger May 2015 #76

I think what the article is trying to get at Egnever May 2015 #66

Because you were taught to handle the situation yourself. jeff47 May 2015 #68

They're not emotionally equipped to handle it. They have no coping strategies, no negotiating skills X_Digger May 2015 #75

it's codependentcy and causes much worse probs than elehhhhna May 2015 #4

Yeah I know--- trumad May 2015 #6

That ain't nothin'. I had to walk 15 miles to school each day, barefoot, Hoppy May 2015 #11

Not to mention that it was uphill both ways. Fuddnik May 2015 #43

I didn't walk miles to school but I remember putting cardboard in my shoes to plug the holes roguevalley May 2015 #49

Cardbord covered in black electrical tape so no one would notice. Historic NY May 2015 #54

exactly. WHen the apocalypse comes, I will last five roguevalley May 2015 #71

In the distant past, Thespian2 May 2015 #7

Corollary issue, N.P/.R. story last week about millenials who have Hoppy May 2015 #10

Is this story online? SusanCalvin May 2015 #19

I don't know. I spend hours in the car each day. I have Sirius and two Hoppy May 2015 #42

Boy, my parents didn't have any trouble saying goodbye to me. Marr May 2015 #17

LOL Pretty much the same here. They dropped me off one year... WorseBeforeBetter May 2015 #63

My brother interviewed people in their 20s who brought mom with them! 7962 May 2015 #18

While I shake my head at parents like this, I also remind myself skepticscott May 2015 #22

I was just crafting a post very much like yours. And as someone else said, having this Nay May 2015 #28

Unfortunately, a lot of what parents do these days skepticscott May 2015 #56

another new experiment for the children, hence parents. the adult world shoved in our kids face 24/7 seabeyond May 2015 #37

Not to mention Sweet Freedom May 2015 #40

Independence is good but MissB May 2015 #23

good points. below, i talked about my experience. i did the same, at about the same age, seabeyond May 2015 #29

its okay, MissB. My mother thought the same thing and actually cried. Then my brother didn't move roguevalley May 2015 #50

What the hell? paleotn May 2015 #25

P.S. paleotn May 2015 #31

i was excited when my son was off on his own at college. no tears, but i still had another at home. seabeyond May 2015 #26

I'm an adjunct. Starry Messenger May 2015 #27

As a university teacher, I've only experienced that ONCE; and it was 25 years ago! LeftishBrit May 2015 #39

It happens here, not a ton, but it's always kind of wtf when it does. Starry Messenger May 2015 #41

I love these threads abelenkpe May 2015 #30

They did. (nt) paleotn May 2015 #32

my parents were excellent. yet, when boys were young she confided, she wished she had seabeyond May 2015 #33

Yes, the way my dad constantly belittled and hit us 60 years ago was so much better! djean111 May 2015 #52

True The conditions were different treestar May 2015 #64

I am a helicopter parent in one critical fashion exboyfil May 2015 #35

As a retired RN VA_Jill May 2015 #45

Thanks for the input exboyfil May 2015 #58

Another concern VA_Jill May 2015 #78

As a still working nurse practitioner, I share... 3catwoman3 May 2015 #59

The 15 months is on top exboyfil May 2015 #61

Helicopter parents are more a symptom of the problem than the cause LeftishBrit May 2015 #36

after college grad, my son will be going to further education for 3 yrs. i think geeez, paying his seabeyond May 2015 #38

Some of these parents are control freaks.... Spitfire of ATJ May 2015 #44

These, no doubt, are the same parents who distance themselves from their K-12 responsibilities... MrMickeysMom May 2015 #48

Yeah... I cried all the way to the airport. calimary May 2015 #51

I don't do that to my son who is a junior in hs... giftedgirl77 May 2015 #53

I heard a true story of a state agency that avebury May 2015 #57

During a nearly 40 year pediatric nurse practitioner career, I have.... 3catwoman3 May 2015 #62

Holy moley Hekate May 2015 #74

Mini-Fridge???? bvar22 May 2015 #65

Back in the day, progressoid May 2015 #70

The generation being raised by this kind of parent hifiguy May 2015 #67

I've got helicopter step daughters... awoke_in_2003 May 2015 #72

A while back, a DUer whose child is at the Naval Academy posted about helicopter parents Ex Lurker May 2015 #77

Don't helicopter! But for god's sake don't let them walk to school by themselves either! Brickbat May 2015 #79

A small minority of parents today. DemocraticWing May 2015 #80

My slight defense of Helicopter parenting.... Nolimit May 2015 #81

I think there is another reason for parents involvement in dorm situations. TexasMommaWithAHat May 2015 #82

They are Snowplow Parents. Trying to remove every obstacle in front of their precious. kairos12 May 2015 #84