Who among us is not of mixed heritage? I know I am.

[Jamastiene]

74. I could give a shit less about heritage, really.

I am mostly English with some Tuscarora and some Lumbee mixed in, but not the official Tuscarora Nation. They hate those of us in the Carolinas because we are too mixed race for them. Plus, they still see us as traitors because our ancestors didn't go to NY. A lot of (definitely not all, but a lot of) the Tuscarora and Lumbees here in the Carolinas hate pretty much everyone and will literally cut your throat if you point out that some of us are part African.

My biological family are some of the worst when it comes to that particular form of racism. My biological grandmother sat around every day talking about how much she hated black people, only she didn't say black people. She used disgusting slurs. She was so full of hatred that it was like a poison. Even as a child, I got tired of her really quick.

I didn't even go to my biological grandmother's funeral a couple years ago, because I just wasn't sad when she died. I wasn't close to her. A lot of the reason I don't know more about my genealogy is because of her and her racist bullshit. Every time I tried to ask her about the family history on her side of the family, all she ever said was "We got shit in our blood." then she would go back to complaining about black people. I kept on asking her what she meant by that until one day she said were were part black and to never ask her again. So, that ended that. And I still don't know any more about it than that. So, yeah, I'm a little of this and a little of that, but I don't know how much of each and don't care. I have finally given up on trying to find out more. I don't really care any more.

My biological grandmother said we are part black, but she spent most of her life literally sitting around hating black people, actively, daily, all day, every day. It's fucked up. She would literally sit on her front porch and seethe with hatred for black people. She might have had shit in her blood, but that shit was her obsessive racism, as far as I am concerned. Most of my biological family is like that and I don't spend any time with them.

When my mother was young, my biological grandmother took her and some of her other least favorite children (she kept some of her favorites) and dropped them off at the welfare office and told them they weren't her problem any more. My mother spent most of her childhood in an orphanage. My adopted grandmother adopted my mother later.

After my mother was grown, she tried to make up with my biological grandmother. She spent most of her life trying to make up with my biological grandmother, actually. I'm glad my mother had a falling out with my biological grandmother and we stopped going to her house while I was still very young. From then on, we went to the adopted grandmother's house and I spent more time with the adopted part of the family that didn't hate people. To me, that is my family, not the racist assholes I am related to by "blood."

My adopted grandmother was part Cherokee and part German. She loved people of all races and stood up against the KKK routinely. My aunt also once shot a KKK member when they tried to burn a cross in my adopted grandmother's yard. They were pissed off because my aunt invited a Japanese friend from her host family in Japan that she stayed with when she was in the Army, to visit her here in Rockingham. This was in the 60s. My aunt told them to leave or else and they did not. She shot one of them and they all ran away.

Also, in the 60s, here in Rockingham, my adopted grandmother warned a black family she was friends with that the KKK here was going to burn their house down. She took them in. The KKK went after her then, but she told them they had best back down. She somehow managed to back them down. She fed all of the kids in the neighborhood and knew things about who was KKK and who wasn't. So, I think that is how she did it.

From then on, Miss Rosa and her children lived with my adopted grandmother. She took care of Miss Rosa when she started getting sick. She took care of her until the day she died. I didn't get to spend much time around Miss Rosa, because she died when I was still fairly young, but I remember having the most fun with them when I was a kid. I also remember Miss Rosa and my adopted grandmother telling me they were sisters and blowing my little fucked up kid mind. I wasn't used to that kind of love. All I had ever heard from my shitty biological family was racist hate. I remember that day they told me that like it was yesterday.

Sometimes, you are better off NOT knowing much more about your heritage, if all you are going to hear is hateful racist slurs from most of your biological family.

Sometimes, you are better off being adopted by people from other races who can change your life for the better.

Blood/biological family means nothing to me. "Heritage" means nothing to me. When you have a biological family like mine, you thank your lucky stars you have an adopted family where you can feel loved and learn what love really is.