The timing of the SC Judge is tone deaf. But the underlying message is one we need to hear.

[Ms. Toad]

14. Everytime there is another mass shooting, and the media/DU/etc. start tearing into the family

I remember how that time in my life felt, and hope that sharing my experience (one most people never think about) might help both to let family members know they are not alone - and perhaps give those who react so strongly a glimpse into an experience they assume no one like them could ever have.

You're right about the term victim, though - but I don't even like the description victim for people usually classed as victims. It is the venomous reaction to families who are also in pain that I am trying to address by giving them/us a human face.

The friendship between families of the victim and survivor can be very powerful. Our three families have been bound together - two since the day after the murders, and the third since he came within 36 hours of execution and the husband and daughter of the second woman came to work to prevent it. My piece was published only with the review and with the consent of both families. Part of the message both families conveyed was that executing my brother would do nothing for them - and would create another innocent family grieving over their dead child.