Maybe the Mayans were right. Religious scholars say gay marriage a sign the end is near. [View all]

[marmar]

satire from the Seattle Post-Intelligencer:


Maybe the Mayans were right. Religious scholars say gay marriage a sign the end is near.


Experts in ancient Mayan culture have been prophesizing the world will come to a cataclysmic end in 2012. They base this on detailed interpretations of the ancient Mayan calendar. Thanks to President Obama’s shocking revelation last week that he supports the rights of gays and lesbians to marry, these scholars now are even more convinced the Mayans were probably right, arguing we’re in the final days before Homoggedon.

In what appears to be a historic epidemic of tolerance, a growing fringe of America-haters is promoting the rights of gays to marry. Fortunately, this wildly unpopular viewpoint is shared by less than 54% of Americans. An overwhelming 47% of Americans still think marriage should only be between a man and a woman, while 52% believe Obama is a Muslim (according to a recent poll of Republicans in Mississippi).

Christian conservatives now believe that the President’s coming out of the closet in support of gay marriage is conclusive proof that Obama is the Antichrist. There is plenty of support for this contention, including Reverend Pat Naromynde, pastor of the Shepherd of the Valley Pentecostal Church in Turtle Hollow, Tennessee. “What is this world comin’ to?”, said Naromynde. “First they let blacks marry our white women. Then they let ‘em become president. Now we learn this black fella likes gays. For sure, the Lord is a comin’ to smite us all.”

....(snip)....

Despite the President’s recent admission that he wants all Americans to turn gay like him, there is hope for millions of brave heterosexual Americans who were raised with values of patriotism, self-reliance, and a morbid fear of homosexuality. Defenders of family values are standing firm against this gay onslaught, in an effort to restore America to its previous greatness – back to a more civilized era, when the thought of gays marrying was inconceivable – and the idea of allowing blacks and women to vote was just a whimsical passing notion. .................(more)

The complete piece is at: http://blog.seattlepi.com/viewfromthebleachers/2012/05/16/maybe-the-mayans-were-right-religious-scholars-say-gay-marriage-a-sign-the-end-is-near/