The DUzy Awards for Friday, May 18th, 2012 - Part 1 [View all]

[The DUzy Awards]

Last edited Sun May 20, 2012, 03:35 PM - Edit history (1)

[center][big][big][big]WELCOME to the DUZY AWARDS![/big][/big][/big][/center]

Your blend of current events, snark, sarcasm, humor, and general smart-assery from your fellow DUers!

How it works:

You see a funny post and you want to put it in contention. Great! Send a private-message to “The DUzy Awards” and include a link to the original post and the # of the reply you want to nominate, and then copy-and-paste the OP and the nominated post into the message. That’s in case of a self-deletion or an edit or something.

If a member’s name is in [font color=#800080]purple text[/font], then that member has won a DUzy for the week.

If text is in [font color=#FF0000]red italicized text[/font] that’s a comment from me.

All past DU3 DUzies are in this account’s Journal for your enjoyment.


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by Are_grits_groceries
[big] One of our esteemed SC state senators may be removed from office. Can you guess why?[/big]
I use the word esteemed very loosely.
Senator Jake Knotts:

Scroll down for answer:
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Just when it seemed S.C. Sen. Jakie Knotts (RINO-Lexington) had successfully schemed his way into another four-year term as State Senator, along comes a lawsuit that could derail his large-sized ambitions.
According to multiple sources familiar with the situation, Knotts is about to be sued over a December 2010 incident in which he challenged former South Carolina Republican Party official Patrick Haddon to a duel.
If found guilty, Knotts could wind up being removed not only from the ballot … but from his office as well. How come? Because believe it or not, there’s a constitutional prohibition against dueling in the Palmetto State.
According to the South Carolina Constitution (Article XVII Section 1B), “any person who shall fight a duel or send or accept a challenge for that purpose, or be an aider or abettor in fighting a duel, shall be deprived of holding any office of honor or trust in this State, and shall be otherwise punished as the law shall prescribe.”
Sources tell FITS that Katrina Shealy – a Lexington County Republican activist who was until recently campaigning against Knotts for S.C. Senate District 23 – has incorporated this “duel” issue to a formal ballot protest filed with the SCGOP.
http://www.fitsnews.com/2012/05/14/jakie-knotts-to-face-duel-lawsuit/

A duel.
We don't impeach lawmakers. We wait for illegal duels.
I have no idea where this will end up, but I wish they would legalize one duel and make that fat ass try it.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] GoCubsGo [/font]
[big] 5. Who knew the Staypuft Marshmallow Man could shoot? [/big]


Oy. The republicans in my state are batshit crazy. Yes, indeed.


I wonder is Katrina Shealy is related to the Shealys of Shealy Barbecue. Good stuff.

GD, 14 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002685528


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] Segami [/font]
[big] If We Must FIGHT, Let it Be NOW[/big]


The neo-rightwing wackjobs are stirring up hate mobs against Obama. What will happen when their plan to defeat Obama bursts? How will these sickos react when they finally realize that Obama will be THEIR President for another 4 YEAR TERM?



" Tentherism’s threats, hints of secession http://www.politicususa.com/texas-arizona-federal.html and even armed insurrection http://www.politicususa.com/rick-perry-president-of-texas.html - “Second Amendment remedies” as they are euphemistically called (now broadened to include OWS) – are nothing new, sad to say. Just the other day Rand Paul endorsed an ad that not only lied about an imaginary “million rifle ban” but portrayed one of those rifles pointed at President Obama’s head. But the outright call for “armed revolution” in the event of an Obama victory in November from the Greene County, Virginia Republican Committee is more the stuff of a crazed right-wing militia than a major political party – or so you would think.



In the committee’s newsletter, “The Constitutional Conservatives” editor Ponch McPhee wrote the following in the “White House Watchdog”:

We have before us a challenge to remove an ideologue unlike anything world history has ever witnessed or recognized.

An individual who has come to power within a Nation which yields it’s strength over the entire world.

An elected leader who shuns biblical praise, handicaps economic ability, disrespects the honor of earned military might.

In the coming days and weeks ~ we the people must come to grasp as a common force, our very soul’s, that our future as a sovereign nation is indeed at risk.

If every single individual that you know, would contact 25 other individuals ~ we can make a difference that will be heard across the Commonwealth and in Washington.

The ultimate task for the people is to remain vigilant and aware ~ that the government, their government is out of control, and this moment, this opportunity, must not be forsaken, must not escape us, for we shall not have any coarse but armed revolution should we fail with the power of the vote in November ~ This Republic cannot survive for 4 more years underneath this political socialist ideologue. "

Some of us understand that there is a very real danger of armed insurrection (you can’t actually call it a revolution when its purpose is to reassert the conservative status quo – it’s more of a counter-revolution if the word is to be used at all) in the event of an Obama victory in 2012. The Homeland Security warning so unwisely rescinded was accurate. These people are well-armed and none too sane, as their behavior demonstrates.






cont'


http://www.politicususa.com/if-we-must-fight-let-it-be-now.html

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Warren DeMontague [/font]
[big] 9. "we shall not have any coarse"? [/big]
Well that's just fine, isn't it.

GD, 12 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002678071


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] struggle4progress [/font]
[big] Why are that you is votering against Mitt? [/big]
29 votes, 6 passes | Time left: Time expired
Cuz him Muslin
1 (3%)
Cuz him daddy wuz from Mexico
0 (0%)
Cuz him lived in Massachusett
1 (3%)
Cuz him grampdaddy not believe one-man-one-woman Marriage
1 (3%)
Cuz Mitt Mean Mofo
26 (90%)
6 DU members did not wish to select any of the options provided.

[font color=#FF0000]If you drink enough, the grammar makes perfect sense![/font]

Politics 2012, 11 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/125136929


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by maddezmom
[big] Is it okay to post about dogs and food in here?[/big]
Or is this more of a Pets group topic? Anyway here goes:

I'm was in the middle of grilling salmon and had put a avocado on the counter to slice and add to my salad. When, I walked outside to get my fish, tripped over my half gnawed avocado. When I yelled out an expeletive Copper ran right to it and began burying it in the shrubs.

Good thing I have another.


Seriously, this dog loves anything green...avocados, beans, granny smiths, pears, aspargus, etc . I can leave most anything on the counter and he won't touch it but if it's green he wants it. He's even eaten raw brussel sprouts before. What is up with that?

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] zbdent [/font]
[big] 1. Probably ... as long as its not about dogs AS food ... [/big]

Cooking & Baking, 12 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/11579984


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by n2doc
[big] Man Pulled Over by Cops for Being Too Radioactive[/big]
If you're ever driving around after taking a nuclear stress test, like one man in Connecticut was, you better hope your doctor gave you a note, otherwise you're gonna have a hard time explaining to cops why you set off their nuclear detectors. Oh, and did I mention cops have nuclear detectors???

From the Connecticut Post:

State Police spokesman Lt. J. Paul Vance confirmed that many of the state police cars have the radioactivity detectors. "It's part of our homeland security operations here," Vance said. "It's just another layer of public safety that we have in this state."

Though the goal of the detectors is to alert police to motorists who might be carrying hazardous materials, cases like Apatow's happen from time to time.

"They're very sensitive," Vance said of the detectors.

The Connecticut post says that the small amount of radioactive material injected into firefighter Mike Apatow was enough to set off the geiger counter in the car of a state trooper, who immediately flagged Apatow down and demanded some answers. Luckily, Apatow's note from the doctor was enough.

http://gizmodo.com/5909616/man-pulled-over-by-cops-for-being-too-radioactive

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] ThoughtCriminal [/font]
[big] 12. Sir... [/big]
Do you know how fast you were decaying?

[font color=#FF0000]Roving license-plate cameras, and now this… what is the uninsured radioactive to do???[/font]

GD, 12 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002680799


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by madamesilverspurs
[big] Spooky odd...[/big]
Is it just me, or does Mitt's brother, Scott, bear a bit of resemblance to Rick Santorum?



[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] aint_no_life_nowhere [/font]
[big] 9. The Santorum model was an older generation of android before the Mitt [/big]
and prone to glitches like feedback loops where it couldn't stop talking about men having sex with dogs. Not all of them have been retired from service yet.

GD, 15 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002680899


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by WCGreen
[big] So a lot of people say that Jesus will be coming soon....[/big]
I have heard that for decades now.

I bet it has been going on for centuries.

So my question is why doesn't he get Cinemax or On Demand to help him get to, you know, that there promised land....

Oh I am so going to hell....

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF] alphafemale
[big] 3. Yeah. He sucks at the masturbation thing. [/big]
It's been ages.

[font color=#FF0000]If your erections lasts more than 4 millennia, consult your Divine Doctor immediately[/font]

The Lounge, 13 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018114552


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by babylonsister
[big] George Lucas disses neighbors by doing something awesome[/big]
http://now.msn.com/entertainment/0512-lucas-neighbors.aspx#scptm2

George Lucas disses neighbors by doing something awesome


​George Lucas has long wanted to build a massive studio complex on his posh property near San Francisco, but has been foiled by his Marin County neighbors for 25 years, even as subdivisions have gone up around him. Now he's fighting fire with fire, giving up on his dream and instead building low-income housing on the property. We know -- it's pretty sweet. In the exquisitely titled article, "George Lucas Does Something Likeable For a Change," Peter Hall nails it: "If there's one thing rich people will hate more than having movie magic made in their backyard, it's poor people moving in." That the second Star Wars trilogy, or ... you get the point, but bully for Lucas here.


http://www.movies.com/movie-news/george-lucas-grady-ranch/7883
George Lucas Does Something Likeable For a Change: Revenge on Rich Neighbors

snip//

So what is George Lucas going to do with his property now that he's tired of his rich neighbors putting up a not-in-my-backyard stink? He wants to transform the property into low-income housing, naturally, ending their official statement with this zinger, "If everyone feels that housing is less impactful on the land, then we are hoping that people who need it the most will benefit."

He's working with the Marin Community Foundation to instead construct affordable housing for either low-income families or seniors living on small, fixed incomes. In order to smooth along the development, he's already given them all of the pricey technical studies and land surveys Lucasfilm spent years conducting. And we think that's just great. Because if there's one thing rich people will hate more than having movie magic made in their backyard, it's poor people moving in.

Mr. Lucas, we may hate you for turning your back on the original trilogy, but our hat is off to you on this one. Well played.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF] brewens
[big] 8. I can remember Paul Harvey a few years back during a spike in unemployment, [/big]
talking about the help wanted adds in his Arizona paper. He went on about all the adds for domestic help offering the princely sum of $10 per hour! As if this proved that people just weren't willing to take good paying jobs.

Not only was that not very good money, you likely had a pretty good commute to your job. Affluent areas, as far as I know, aren't known for having reasonable housing for anyone willing to take a job like that.

There might be some benefit in it for Lucas' neighbors
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF]MessiahRp
[big] 16. Paul Harvey was a douchebag. [/big]
My Republican Social Studies teacher used to bring in excerpts from his show for us to listen to and it always sounded like total bullshit for old people to me.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Son of Gob [/font]
[big] 35. and now you know the rest of the story. [/big]

GD, 13 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002682091


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by Texasgal
[big] Nasty...Nasty.[/big]
I wish that jurors wouldn't use their duty to call out and make nasty comments towards other members.

It's cowardly and really nasty.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF] UnrepentantLiberal
[big] 45. The DUzy Awards are controlled by the patriarchy? [/big]
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Warren DeMontague [/font]
[big] 59. Come ON. Have you seen that statue? [/big]


It's got a helpless icon of sexualized, objectified, male gaze phallopressed femininity, sexualized curves and all, and on the ground is a laughing pac-MAN (MAN!!!! ) who is quite probably looking up her skirt at the sacred Dworkin of her victimized maidenhood. Or, the round laughing head may symbolize the fragmented, damaged moon goddess, still traumatized by the brutal cosmic sexual assault by the brutes at NASA and their space phallus.

Patriarchy, INDEED.

H&M-D, 14 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/124091753


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by sufrommich
[big] Prom Chaperones Sprayed Lysol On Dirty Dancers[/big]
Two parent chaperones at a Colorado high school prom sprayed Lysol on students engaged in “dirty dancing” and called several teenage girls “sluts and whores” for making it appear “they were advertising butt sex,” according to cops......

Officer Scott Stone, who was working a security detail at the prom, told investigators that he had spoken with Farmer and Rockey after arriving at the dance around 8 PM. He recalled that the chaperones--who were dressed in combat boots, military fatigues, and military undershirt--noted that “some of the kids were becoming disruptive and were being explicit while dancing.”


As detailed by police, several teenagers told officers that the chaperones subsequently deployed the Lysol, which got into the eyes and mouths of some dancers (some of whom had to leave the prom). A female student reported the spraying to police, saying that Farmer and Rockey said that some dancers “were advertising butt sex.” The chaperones, the girl told cops, referred to her and her friends as “sluts and whores” and “dirty.”


As for the spraying, the teenager reported that “Hannah Rockey then proceeded to spray Lysol at them, which got on their clothing, mouth, and eyes. The spray caused the students to cough and leave the area.” After hearing the girl’s account, a cop “obtained several witness statements” supporting the allegations against Farmer and Rockey.



http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/lysoled-at-high-school-prom-658923



I hope these women get some jail time for this. Could you imagine being the children of these two cretins?

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Capt. Obvious [/font]
[big] 3. No one sprays baby in the corner [/big]

GD, 15 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002689009


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by romantico
[big] They Are Actually Making a Second ATLAS SHRUGGED Film[/big]
WTF?! Usually when a film bombs like the first film did they scrap plans for sequels.

http://www.mediaite.com/tv/caption-contest-grover-norquist-plays-homeless-extra-in-the-new-atlas-shrugged-film-2/

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Brickbat [/font]
[big] 5. Apparently they liked that feeling of the free hand of the market slapping them on the ass. [/big]


GD, 15 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002689590






Thanks to: Eferrari, eridani, coalition_unwilling, bluedigger, Bolo Boffin, Scuba, hootinholler, Vanje, NoPasaran, and Enrique!!!

Sorry for the two-parter… it’s been a hell of a weekend and it’s not over yet! I’ll hammer out the second half ASAP.

With exhausted regards,
Krispos42