Comment about someone's race at work: big deal or not?

[Cal Carpenter]

8. "I wouldn't in a million years ask her about it. "

Yet that would be the only way to get a real answer to your question. I mean, others can opine about it, and probably add insight, but without being there, knowing the relationships, knowing the people, we can only speak of it as a hypothetical.

I think a lot can be gained from removing the hypothetical and focusing on the real. Because for people of color who deal with racism, there are very real consequences - from subtle, psychological impacts to specific disadvantages. As white folks, it is easy to keep a step or two removed and stay in hypothetical land (that's privilege).

I would suggest rethinking the 'not in a million years' because the best way to learn about something is to ask the person involved. The best way to have productive, useful discussions about race is to have them for real, face to face, and you may be amazed at what happens after the initial hurdle of discomfort is crossed.

I'm not trying to be critical of you, and I don't judge you or anything for your feeling of 'not in a million years', but I think overall that is something white people need to get past. Because in my experience, when white people do openly discuss race and racism with people of color, as long as they are doing it in good faith - and even with relative strangers - it can result in really good discussion and education.