Comment about someone's race at work: big deal or not?

[MrScorpio]

38. What I'd like to do here is simply give you a difference in perspective.

One thing that we should never lose sight of is what kind of society we're all living in and also to point out that none of this is either within our control (this is a world we're all born into, whether we like it or not) or even within our realm of blame (as in it's not any one person's fault.) However, we all do have certain responsibilities, the most important of which is to be self-aware.

The first thing to consider is the fact that our society in this country is inherently white supremacist. Meaning that it's one in which the white majority has chosen to define itself as the standard by which everything else is judged. That majority has pretty much set the rules by which what is considered normality and what has not. These standards are created and enforced for the benefit of whites above non-whites and by whites alone. This is what's otherwise known as "white privilege."

Now, normally we tend to look at the world through our own prism as individuals. However, let's not forget that the rules of the world groups each and every one of us within the context of a white supremacist model. Rather than regarding this via an individual model, let's consider that we have no control over what groups we all belong to, within a racial hierarchy that values and serves whites over non-whites. That doesn't necessarily mean that all whites are white supremacists, but it does mean that, whether or not this is their choice, all whites do benefit from a system that has standardized white normality.

For example, whenever your white male director sat in his chair, no one thought it remarkable to consider in the least what his race or gender was. I mention gender as well because our system of patriarchy in this country parallels our systematic racial component. Consider the possibility that people didn't see the world around themselves where normality wasn't defined by both white supremacy and patriarchy… What are the chances that what was said to the black woman who's project manager would have been said at all?

Now you say that you're not 100% sure whether sure his comment was wrong. It doesn't have to be 100%, as in you didn't have to assign an absolute in order to determine whether or not it was wrong. The amount of wrongness is your choice. Based on your own perspective, only you can determine how wrong it actually was.

Next, you mentioned that you had no idea how the woman took the comment. I would hazard that she would have rather not have heard it.

Consider again that we all live in a society defined in terms of white supremacy and patriarchy. If you live long enough in this world, you learn to build coping mechanisms. These mechanisms usually fall along one's own path of least resistance.

The path of least resistance is also used to describe certain human behaviors, although with much less specificity than in the strict physical sense. In these cases, resistance is often used as a metaphor for personal effort or confrontation; a person taking the path of least resistance avoids these. In library science and technical writing, information is ideally arranged for users according to the principle of least effort, or the "path of least resistance". Recursive navigation systems are an example of this.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Path_of_least_resistance

In the case of the incident you've mentioned, everyone's own path of least resistance dictates their own reactions. To confront or not to confront, what should one do? Now in spite of the racial connotation of the so-called joke, I'm quite sure that the project manager probably made a consideration on whether or not to mention something. Unfortunately, had she decided to confront the person making the joke, there's the likelihood that she was have encountered a reaction based in white fragility. Which is, frankly, never a picnic. Consider for a moment, that as a black woman, how many times in any day that she may have to encounter white supremacist or patriarchal comments said as jokes or off-handedly by white people who have no idea what was improper about what was said.

The thing about living in this society is that people of color, women or both never have the luxury to not consider how their own gender and race impacts whatever situation they're ever in. Quite unlike white males and other beneficiaries of white supremacy who aren't even aware of what kind of society they're even living in. Non-whites have absolutely no control over white supremacy in this country. Yes, we can protest, we can write and lecture and try to educate the majority what's wrong with such a system, but unless the white majority as a group chooses to end white supremacy, it's not going to end.

One last thing, you thought enough of the incident to both remember and recite it here. Given that and your reaction, I would say that you did think that there was something disturbing about what happened, but from your own perspective, you weren't absolutely sure what that was. I've said before that self-awareness is the most important thing that one can do in our society. I think that you were self-aware enough to be disturbed by it, whether or not you were 100% percent sure that it was wrong or not.


For more to consider, I have a pretty good article article for you: http://www.salon.com/2015/04/10/white_americas_racial_illiteracy_why_our_national_conversation_is_poisoned_from_the_start_partner/

If you want to discuss more of this, we can do that!