daycare says baby is aggressive (9 months)

[laundry_queen]

55. Some kids are just like this

My 3rd daughter had some small issues with hitting at around that age. I had no problems teaching her to be nice and not hit. It was quite easy. My 4th daughter pulled hair and giggled when we would scream. Again, no problems teaching her to be gentle. Mostly, I would teach them that their actions affected others...I would hold their hands and show them how to touch gently. So if they hit, it would go like this. "No! Ow! That hurts! Gentle. See?<take hand and show how to touch gently and smile to show her my demeanor has changed> that's better. Thank you for being gentle. When you hit it hurts mommy, and that makes me sad. Mommy likes when you are gentle, that makes me happy." I only had to do that a couple of times.

I see nothing wrong with the note at all. Some parents think a 9 month old cannot be taught anything and that's wrong. I had a friend who had a baby at the same time I did...by the time the babies were 10 months old we could not visit anymore, because her daughter would crawl over to my daughter, pull on my dd's clothes and hair to pull herself up to her feet and then literally BEAT on my daughter and squeal with delight while my child howled with outrage. My friend thought it was the funniest thing ever and did nothing to deter her daughter. After awhile when we'd visit my daughter would start crying as soon as they came in the door and would not stop clinging to me. So the visits stopped. If my friend had done even a little bit of redirecting, it probably wouldn't have gotten so bad. She moved away a few months after the babies turned 2, so we never got to see if they would have gotten over it.

But yeah, I think in some cases it's good for parents to be aware their child's behavior needs some correction. I don't think the daycare is being ridiculous if this is an ongoing issue. MOST kids will try hitting but don't like the reaction they get and stop. If people laugh or think it's funny, the kid will keep hitting. So, perhaps, as the daycare suggested, discouraging her at home too would help. The way people are outraged tells me that too many parents encourage this kind of behavior and are being quite defensive. Sure, babies don't understand they are hurting people - that's why it's our job to teach them that they are...and if the baby is getting mixed messages at home vs at the daycare, it may make the behavior worse. And so, the note. Perhaps a face-to-face would've been more productive, but I don't find the wording that bad. YMMV I guess.