The Republican Debate [View all]
(A) Junior Varsity
Rick Sanitarium
Opie Taylor’s cousin
Christian zealot
Rejected by his community
Bobby Jindel
Scarecrow puppet
Of Barney Fife
Self-loathing
George Pataki
Greased rubber face
Utter contempt for
Little Ricky
Lindsey Graham
Scowling lollipop
National insecurity expert
Licking Nixon’s liver
(AA) Varsity
Jeb Bush
Maytag head
Dispensing plastic lies
The lonely repairman
Of the broken party
Chris Christie
Sopranos wanna-be
Flower of the toxic gutter
Tony Galento reincarnate
Hoping to deck the champ
Carly Fiorina
Eating toe dough bread
Her own enemies list
Dripping from her lips
John Kasich
Attempting to separate
From the pack
By sounding rational
Ben Carson
Trying to join the pack
Failing
Way out of place
Ted Cruz
Illegitimate spawn of
Senator Joseph McCarthy
Wrenched neck from
Licking Trump’s behind
Rand Paul
Steel wool poodle
muted on the sideline
Barking at shadows
Mike Huckabee
Anti-Christ
In Santa suit
Self-righteous sun head room
Scott Walker
Empty suit
Empty mind
Empty campaign
Marco Rubio
Pre-fight jitters
Sweat rag forehead
Water gulping guppy
Donald Trump
Scrawny tawny lion
Playing with the cubs
For the circus
Rick Perry
His best performance to date
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