General Discussion

lapislzi

(5,762 posts)

81. If it sounds like I am trying to defend myself, I truly am not.

Mon Oct 26, 2015, 03:31 PM

Oct 2015

I freely admit my ignorance, which should be obvious by now. You are right, and I am wrong. I admitted as much in the moment, after the fact, and will continue to do so. Under no circumstances was the remark justified, and if I could take it back, I would. I spoke stupidly and without thinking. I offended someone whom I respect, and I am deeply sorry for having done so. NOT for being reprimanded, which I richly deserved. I am sorry for being part of the problem. Or being THE problem. I'm not trying to get a pass from the person I offended, or from anyone. I don't deserve one.

If anything, I'm trying to learn from this thread and from this mistake. So I can be less part of the problem.

If it sounds like I'm trying to justify myself by my use of words like "presumably," it's because I truly lack understanding. That is what I am trying to fix. I hate ignorance, in myself most of all.

AB, I am a great admirer of your posts, and I thank you for taking the time to comment.

Edit history

Please sign in to view edit histories.

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

171 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

Highlight:

I made a racially insensitive remark at work [View all] lapislzi Oct 2015 OP

Maybe find a cultural sensitivity training program. bravenak Oct 2015 #1

What did you say? Reter Oct 2015 #2

It was intended to be a jokey compliment lapislzi Oct 2015 #8

Wow! trumad Oct 2015 #16

Yes, it was pretty much the dumbest thing that ever came out of a mouth that often says dumb things. lapislzi Oct 2015 #39

I'm taking that you said something like "Nigga Please" Heddi Oct 2015 #58

That is not what I said. lapislzi Oct 2015 #66

"Gangsta?" "Pimp"? ProudToBeBlueInRhody Oct 2015 #74

This message was self-deleted by its author alcibiades_mystery Oct 2015 #76

"...for whom it is presumably OK..." alcibiades_mystery Oct 2015 #75

Whoa ProudToBeBlueInRhody Oct 2015 #77

If it sounds like I am trying to defend myself, I truly am not. lapislzi Oct 2015 #81

Did you call yourself the HNIC? theboss Oct 2015 #161

I don't know what that is. lapislzi Oct 2015 #162

Head <BLANK> in Charge theboss Oct 2015 #164

I wish someone would clue those of us in who are not so pop culture savvy. cwydro Oct 2015 #83

He called a coworker a "magic negro" Heddi Oct 2015 #95

Ok, thank you. I'd never have gotten that on my own lol. cwydro Oct 2015 #103

+1000.nt ecstatic Oct 2015 #135

I don't get what you said. cwydro Oct 2015 #82

Post 77 lapislzi Oct 2015 #87

I'm sorry for being so dense. cwydro Oct 2015 #88

I still don't get what was said either. LisaL Oct 2015 #93

He called a coworker a "magic negro" Heddi Oct 2015 #94

Unfamiliar with this term, but no. I wouldn't even think to use it. cwydro Oct 2015 #105

I've never heard it either. smirkymonkey Oct 2015 #125

It strikes me wrong anyway. cwydro Oct 2015 #129

It has its own Wikipedia page with history... PoliticAverse Oct 2015 #133

Wow, well, I guess I learned something today. cwydro Oct 2015 #136

Wait, you're flabbergasted at the use of "nigga" but "magic negro" Heddi Oct 2015 #96

No argument from me. lapislzi Oct 2015 #99

Did it have something to do with being rigged? Blue_In_AK Oct 2015 #148

Sounds like you are being Snow Leopard Oct 2015 #17

Who appointed you arbiter of what people should or shouldn't be offended by? marmar Oct 2015 #23

Nobody did, Snow Leopard Oct 2015 #29

Of course you're still allowed to have them kcr Oct 2015 #34

She didn't get fired. n/t gollygee Oct 2015 #37

It's easy to not get easily offended gollygee Oct 2015 #25

I would just continue to be nice to said person without going overboard. leftofcool Oct 2015 #3

Yes, going overboard can make things worse. randome Oct 2015 #11

Hard to answer the question without knowing what the hell you said. trumad Oct 2015 #4

It sounds like the punishment has already been meted out, so now it's up to you to do the work on Brickbat Oct 2015 #5

I don't see any self examination reflected. JayhawkSD Oct 2015 #6

Well said. n/t JTFrog Oct 2015 #9

I am aware. I mentioned that I grew up in a racist background lapislzi Oct 2015 #10

I will repeat. There is a lack of self examination JayhawkSD Oct 2015 #19

I do get what you're saying. lapislzi Oct 2015 #27

If you live in as racist a society as ours gollygee Oct 2015 #30

Intentions count. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Learn and move on. randome Oct 2015 #42

well in a 12 step program I use Dyedinthewoolliberal Oct 2015 #59

+1 (But get that resume up to date, in case she takes it to the State Labor Board) nt TheBlackAdder Oct 2015 #110

Well, I'm going by the question you posed in your OP. JayhawkSD Oct 2015 #154

Sounds like he has plenty of self-examination going on. randome Oct 2015 #13

Agreed. I did not grow up in a racist household (in fact, it was just the Nay Oct 2015 #32

Message auto-removed Name removed Oct 2015 #55

The best thing to do is lead by example. dmr Oct 2015 #7

You already apologized to the person. She wouldn't accept your apology. LisaL Oct 2015 #12

I believe you've done what you can. Xyzse Oct 2015 #14

You can't make someone forgive you. Act_of_Reparation Oct 2015 #15

What about championing an anti-harassment training program for your workplace? GliderGuider Oct 2015 #18

When ryan_cats Oct 2015 #20

"This is where the years of PC b.s. have landed us." marmar Oct 2015 #24

Five ryan_cats Oct 2015 #36

You might have made a wrong turn somewhere. n/t gollygee Oct 2015 #38

Yeah! My thumbs were cut off because I used the wrong salad fork. Orrex Oct 2015 #43

Holy smokes...what you just said is a little whacko randys1 Oct 2015 #101

This message was self-deleted by its author haele Oct 2015 #50

You could gollygee Oct 2015 #21

Thank you. This is a good idea. lapislzi Oct 2015 #33

And you willingly have entered the DU confession box. lonestarnot Oct 2015 #22

You mention that "other offensive speech" in your office "goes unchallenged". Nye Bevan Oct 2015 #26

Move on... TipTok Oct 2015 #28

I also want to improve the general tenor of the company... Kalidurga Oct 2015 #31

in this horrible dystopic world we live in all employment is a personal relationship librechik Oct 2015 #35

This is really good advice and I appreciate it. lapislzi Oct 2015 #41

good luck and remember librechik Oct 2015 #44

Put me down under "just leave the person alone from now on" Warren DeMontague Oct 2015 #40

I agree ProudToBeBlueInRhody Oct 2015 #73

From what the OP says a few posts up REP Oct 2015 #127

Ease up matt819 Oct 2015 #45

He already apologized to the offended person, verbablly and in writing. LisaL Oct 2015 #48

+1 to just leave it be. karadax Oct 2015 #46

You babylonsister Oct 2015 #47

What would be the point of mailing "this" to the co-worker? LisaL Oct 2015 #49

You live in a country that's incredibly sensitive about race. Don't hate yourself for tripping. frizzled Oct 2015 #51

This is a reasonable response cabyio Oct 2015 #61

Are you a racist? If not, I wouldn't worry about it too much. nt LexVegas Oct 2015 #52

Resign. linuxman Oct 2015 #53

"That bad" is an extremely elastic concept. lapislzi Oct 2015 #65

Stop beating yourself up. You apologized. Now move on. LisaL Oct 2015 #68

you sound genuinely contrite renate Oct 2015 #54

At least you recognize that what you said was racially insensitive and are bothered by it YoungDemCA Oct 2015 #56

You officially are one of those people... luvspeas Oct 2015 #57

best post here! "consider what the person you offended must have to put up with day in and day out.. bettyellen Oct 2015 #60

Sure doesn't sound like offended person would put up with anything. LisaL Oct 2015 #69

The OP said racist remarks were not uncommon - do you have reason to doubt that? Or reason to rhjnk bettyellen Oct 2015 #89

Well, first, OP didn't say racist remarks were not uncommon. LisaL Oct 2015 #91

The student does not know what the student does not know. lapislzi Oct 2015 #97

Since you put it out there... luvspeas Oct 2015 #106

I really think you should stop commenting about this woman's appearance/ hair style. LisaL Oct 2015 #108

"that nail polish looks great on your skin" Heddi Oct 2015 #111

yesyesyes n/t luvspeas Oct 2015 #112

I don't know what you mean lapislzi Oct 2015 #121

Yes. I do think that calling a black woman a negro, even if meant in a nice way Heddi Oct 2015 #124

I fucked up badly. lapislzi Oct 2015 #137

+1000.nt ecstatic Oct 2015 #142

Ouch gollygee Oct 2015 #122

You are right. lapislzi Oct 2015 #130

"But I am not a member of an oppressed class who has suffered a lifetime of harassment..." alcibiades_mystery Oct 2015 #152

I don't understand your comment. lapislzi Oct 2015 #157

Your behavior is manipulative and self-justifying alcibiades_mystery Oct 2015 #159

I think you are mistaken on several points. lapislzi Oct 2015 #160

Put up with anything? I bet the offended person would put up with men talking about randys1 Oct 2015 #104

Did I ever say she should? LisaL Oct 2015 #107

Your comments seem to say to me that you are a little annoyed at her asking randys1 Oct 2015 #109

Wow gollygee Oct 2015 #64

I do not disagree with anything you have said. lapislzi Oct 2015 #71

No amends cabyio Oct 2015 #79

What was it that you said? Tipperary Oct 2015 #62

See post 66 lapislzi Oct 2015 #67

You Sound Like RobinA Oct 2015 #63

You apologized sincerely. Let it go. roody Oct 2015 #70

Agreed Liberal_in_LA Oct 2015 #85

Nothing, honestly (and purely imo). Just avoid that person. Oneironaut Oct 2015 #72

With nothing but hint hint and wink wink as far as what you said what the hell are any of us Juicy_Bellows Oct 2015 #78

There is nothing you can do. Alenne Oct 2015 #80

I guessed as much. lapislzi Oct 2015 #84

I would look for a new job LittleBlue Oct 2015 #86

You are lucky you didn't get fired. Kang Colby Oct 2015 #90

This message was self-deleted by its author LisaL Oct 2015 #92

Also, you know, people make mistakes. Warren DeMontague Oct 2015 #98

Forgive yourself TuxedoKat Oct 2015 #100

I doubt you'll ever make it up to that person. Erich Bloodaxe BSN Oct 2015 #102

Find a new job Renew Deal Oct 2015 #113

So here's why she wanted you to be fired Heddi Oct 2015 #114

The whole shitshow needs to be shut down... luvspeas Oct 2015 #116

If you think that me losing my livelihood is a punishment that fits the crime lapislzi Oct 2015 #123

YES YOU CALLED A WOMAN A NEGRO FOR FUCK'S SAKE Heddi Oct 2015 #126

Yes. I see. lapislzi Oct 2015 #134

When I was a kid, that was the courteous and proper word for a person of color. nt roody Oct 2015 #165

Well times have changed. philosslayer Oct 2015 #168

And what about your fucking COWORKER Heddi Oct 2015 #128

Hey Heddi, I agree with most of what you're saying. cwydro Oct 2015 #140

Thanks for saying this - I agree and couldn't have said it better. n/t phylny Oct 2015 #170

Where are you getting this? lapislzi Oct 2015 #143

This is why a thread like this is a bad idea melman Oct 2015 #147

Heddi, why not direct your righteous anger toward at least one poster here pnwmom Oct 2015 #150

Damn this is a great post. npk Oct 2015 #153

Just to be clear, "magic negro" was the term? trof Oct 2015 #115

I am postulating and the term she used rhymes with bigga...n/t luvspeas Oct 2015 #117

I specifically asked if she used "nigga" and she said no, that was beyond the pale!!! Heddi Oct 2015 #118

Whoah! that's actually worse than what I thought! luvspeas Oct 2015 #120

Ah.. Many thanks for the clarification. trof Oct 2015 #119

I was in the Dr office the other day notadmblnd Oct 2015 #131

was there bad blood between you and that other person before this? Skittles Oct 2015 #132

It sucks that your co-worker has to put up with you and ecstatic Oct 2015 #138

I'm sorry if it came across that way. lapislzi Oct 2015 #145

It didn't come across that way to me. phylny Oct 2015 #171

We've all had bad jokes fall flat and we've all wished Warpy Oct 2015 #139

I agree. leftyladyfrommo Oct 2015 #144

Hopefully, people will look at patterns. Laffy Kat Oct 2015 #141

If you truly want to change start by not making it about you LostOne4Ever Oct 2015 #146

Nicely put. JayhawkSD Oct 2015 #155

You apologized. Nothing else you can or should do. egduj Oct 2015 #149

You apologized. Immediately. In more than one way. cherokeeprogressive Oct 2015 #151

AGREED Skittles Oct 2015 #156

As some as said you've apologized romanic Oct 2015 #158

Final post on the subject. lapislzi Oct 2015 #163

So why did you even post your confession... luvspeas Oct 2015 #166

Resign philosslayer Oct 2015 #167

She offered to resign. cwydro Oct 2015 #169