General Discussion

tazkcmo

(7,419 posts)

128. I agree.

Sun Dec 27, 2015, 09:04 AM

Dec 2015

We got married at the court house when our son was 3 months old. Before that, the only mom I had a conversation with before I asked my then pregnant girl friend was with mine and that was just to find out her feelings on the matter, not really advice though, just how she felt about the idea. I wasn't going to marry soley based on the pregnancy nor was I going to sign any papers swearing to support her and the child as I was fully committed to that anyway, marriage or not. Our "wedding" was as non-traditional as you can get and focused on the feelings and wishes of the principle parties, me and her. We announced our marriage on Christmas, a full week after our "wedding" when her mother was pissed at me for not spending enough money on Christmas presents for her daughter. lol

My MIL ended respecting and loving me even when we disagreed because of my actions and devotion to her daughter and our children. I even got custody after we divorced 13 years later because she got "tired of being a mom and a wife". MIL sure gave her daughter hell then! My ex has been married 3 times since and I'll never do it again.

Edit history

Please sign in to view edit histories.

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

147 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

Highlight:

Do fathers still expect to be asked permission to marry their daughter? Is this a sexist tradition? [View all] davidn3600 Dec 2015 OP

It smacks of women as property. CrispyQ Dec 2015 #1

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2015 #4

Fathers should raise their daughters to provide for and protect themselves. PeaceNikki Dec 2015 #6

Post removed Post removed Dec 2015 #8

Enjoy your stay. PeaceNikki Dec 2015 #9

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2015 #11

You're right. Yours was an emotional bullshit response. PeaceNikki Dec 2015 #13

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2015 #17

I don't need your fucking "help", asshole. PeaceNikki Dec 2015 #19

BAM!!! Scuba Dec 2015 #25

That was a fucking sexist troll. PeaceNikki Dec 2015 #28

I was called for the jury, but the user had been removed by the time I got to the post. But ... Scuba Dec 2015 #30

Results pintobean Dec 2015 #42

I don't understand why people think it's cute or fun to read horrifically sexist opinions here. PeaceNikki Dec 2015 #45

Yeah, I thought that was dumb. pintobean Dec 2015 #47

Agreed. I am glad to see that it wasn't what I thought it would be. PeaceNikki Dec 2015 #48

Post removed Post removed Dec 2015 #27

You just got banned. Find a hobby. PeaceNikki Dec 2015 #32

Post removed Post removed Dec 2015 #62

... Aristus Dec 2015 #36

Now that's a cool troll!! Nay Dec 2015 #72

It's the Fremont Troll, under the Aurora Bridge in Seattle. Aristus Dec 2015 #76

good one! Liberal_in_LA Dec 2015 #99

I'm thinking his intent was to hit certain points that he knew would get people going. PersonNumber503602 Dec 2015 #35

Jury results edhopper Dec 2015 #49

lol PeaceNikki Dec 2015 #51

You should use the alert feature on that Auto Message pintobean Dec 2015 #54

Single guy, are you? pintobean Dec 2015 #23

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2015 #38

Factual content pintobean Dec 2015 #39

You'll be gone in minutes. pintobean Dec 2015 #14

Women have a bad name because of Nikki? I'm guessing you don't go out on a lot of second dates. DisgustipatedinCA Dec 2015 #21

:-) redwitch Dec 2015 #12

I clicked on "name removed" TexasProgresive Dec 2015 #50

I'm not sure. He only had 5 or so posts when he was banned the first time. PeaceNikki Dec 2015 #53

I think it must be a default to 2003 before July 6 TexasProgresive Dec 2015 #60

Yup, here's the profile PeaceNikki Dec 2015 #61

Yes, that's the default thing pintobean Dec 2015 #63

Thanks for the info n/t TexasProgresive Dec 2015 #65

Jury Results Blue_Adept Dec 2015 #52

Lol, someone doesn't like me. PeaceNikki Dec 2015 #55

Can new users alert? Didn't he come back (or at least friend) in this same thread? PersonNumber503602 Dec 2015 #57

I'm not sure if you can alert right away, but he did reregister immediately, even admitted so PeaceNikki Dec 2015 #59

What I want to know is who the hell are these "DUers" who alert on a woman defending herself .... Hekate Dec 2015 #120

Socks of the troll, maybe? MADem Dec 2015 #124

Whoa. Enjoy your stay. Tipperary Dec 2015 #10

I lulz'ed KG Dec 2015 #15

rw troll, see ya steve2470 Dec 2015 #20

Wow. Welcome to ignore. TDale313 Dec 2015 #22

You are sexist MattBaggins Dec 2015 #24

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2015 #33

Pick up a mirror. PeaceNikki Dec 2015 #34

you're back ? You need to be IP-banned nt steve2470 Dec 2015 #37

This message was self-deleted by its author PersonNumber503602 Dec 2015 #29

I go out to shovel snow & I miss all the fun. CrispyQ Dec 2015 #44

Stick around, I think he'll be back. PeaceNikki Dec 2015 #46

As predicted... He just got his third zap in this thread. PeaceNikki Dec 2015 #68

Post removed Post removed Dec 2015 #79

This message was self-deleted by its author yeoman6987 Dec 2015 #108

I've been to a few religious weddings where xmas74 Jan 2016 #142

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2015 #2

Definitely old.fashioned and sexist...Stems from concept of women as property. n/t whathehell Dec 2015 #3

I was surprised when my daughters husband asked liberal N proud Dec 2015 #5

They can ask my wife. JonathanRackham Dec 2015 #7

It's a nice tradition, IMO. tavernier Dec 2015 #16

I couldn't ever imagine asking for a dad's permission. PersonNumber503602 Dec 2015 #18

Totally depends on the family KentuckyWoman Dec 2015 #26

I like what you did. Communication and inclusion go a long way... Hekate Dec 2015 #121

What a wise conment rjsquirrel Dec 2015 #131

As a father of two exceptional daughters I do not expect to be asked for my permission randr Dec 2015 #31

We had a pretty good discussion about this a few years ago. Renew Deal Dec 2015 #40

When I proposed I wanted to ask her dad GummyBearz Dec 2015 #41

There's a healthy impulse saltpoint Dec 2015 #43

One situation where I can see a discussion with the father PersonNumber503602 Dec 2015 #56

Agree, yes. When those sort of saltpoint Dec 2015 #58

This is a big deal in neofundy circles Ex Lurker Dec 2015 #73

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2015 #64

Disagree. Marriages generally are saltpoint Dec 2015 #66

What's even worse is the tradition of dad "giving away" his daughter. SheilaT Dec 2015 #67

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2015 #77

My FIL did that in my wedding exboyfil Dec 2015 #78

I had a cousin who walked herself down the aisle treestar Dec 2015 #83

Some women want someone to walk them down the aisle because it works better for them that way Warren DeMontague Dec 2015 #91

Works better in what way? SheilaT Dec 2015 #97

During our wedding, my wife's parents got lost on the way to walk her down the aisle. Warren DeMontague Dec 2015 #112

Hmmm, independent confident woman SheilaT Dec 2015 #116

Oh ffs. Warren DeMontague Dec 2015 #119

Wow, you're really being a jerk pintobean Dec 2015 #125

Who says they aren't? ProudToBeBlueInRhody Dec 2015 #115

I agree. tazkcmo Dec 2015 #128

I'm not a fan of that one either. xmas74 Jan 2016 #143

It's become a new recent tradition treestar Dec 2015 #69

Different Cultures maybe? HockeyMom Dec 2015 #70

My daughters grew up and still live in The Netherlands. SwissTony Dec 2015 #123

I asked my future father in law for advice... meaculpa2011 Dec 2015 #71

i misread your title as you asked your father in law for a divorce Enrique Dec 2015 #102

Great answer hueymahl Dec 2015 #105

My son in law didn't ask, I told him he was going to marry my daughter tularetom Dec 2015 #74

A father's perspective exboyfil Dec 2015 #75

Hmmm. About that career... and only because it reminds me of my younger sis.... Hekate Dec 2015 #122

Expect is a loaded word Egnever Dec 2015 #80

I asked for my future Father-in-law's BLESSING, not for his daughter. cherokeeprogressive Dec 2015 #81

I am a Mother handmade34 Dec 2015 #82

I was overjoyed my daughter told me who she was marrying. mikehiggins Dec 2015 #84

I don't see it as asking permission, I see it as asking for your blessing. panader0 Dec 2015 #85

Gorgeous bride. Baitball Blogger Dec 2015 #88

I have no idea. LWolf Dec 2015 #86

My father laughed at two guys who showed up on different occasions malaise Dec 2015 #87

Good Dad! Hekate Dec 2015 #106

That he was malaise Dec 2015 #117

Happy holidays to you, too, and a great New Year. Hekate Dec 2015 #118

Short answer? No, no more than I would expect the guy to show up with 3 goats. Warren DeMontague Dec 2015 #89

I'll ask permission only if I am to receive a substantial dowry. nt U4ikLefty Dec 2015 #90

Absolutely not Generic Brad Dec 2015 #92

I asked, and my wife wanted me to. linuxman Dec 2015 #93

I don't recall that my son-in-law ever asked... Wounded Bear Dec 2015 #94

Polite disinterest is the order of the day? oberliner Dec 2015 #95

along with one man giving away a woman to another man Skittles Dec 2015 #96

What about saying "My wife?" Reter Dec 2015 #98

When I say "my wife", I'm referring to the woman who married me. Inkfreak Dec 2015 #100

Seriously? dflprincess Dec 2015 #103

"My Wife" Uses "My Husband" All The Time ProfessorGAC Dec 2015 #135

Do you apply that sentiment consistently, and refrain from saying, "my son..." LanternWaste Dec 2015 #134

I think THE WIFE sounds weird Skittles Jan 2016 #141

Yes and yes lastlib Dec 2015 #101

I have a 21 year old daughter who is in a serious relationship with someone and they have talked liberal_at_heart Dec 2015 #104

From observing both sides, ManiacJoe Dec 2015 #107

If just the father is asked for a blessing, that's still sexist and fucked up. Arugula Latte Dec 2015 #109

But do you ever see the woman asking her boyfriend's family for their blessing? davidn3600 Dec 2015 #113

I personally know of no women who did the proposing to the man, ManiacJoe Dec 2015 #114

I don't know how much of a tradition it currently is Proud Liberal Dem Dec 2015 #110

Sexist tradition that needs to die nt. LostOne4Ever Dec 2015 #111

I didn't ask anyone but the woman I loved. tazkcmo Dec 2015 #126

I think it's sweet and respectful bigwillq Dec 2015 #127

Why just your father and not your mother, though? Arugula Latte Jan 2016 #145

I asked my then-future wife's mother, out of respect Orrex Dec 2015 #129

Should a woman ask her boyfriend's mother for permission for the son to marry? Squinch Dec 2015 #130

I've never known anyone to "ask" a father for permission to marry their daughter in the USA. ileus Dec 2015 #132

Do you see poutrage here? I don't. I see people having a conversation. Squinch Dec 2015 #133

Depends on where you live and religious views. xmas74 Jan 2016 #144

I asked, but not for permission. Glassunion Dec 2015 #136

In my family it's done. But not necessarily father, but the person who raised you. vaberella Dec 2015 #137

I'd like the proposer to be friendly with the parents haele Dec 2015 #138

I asked for a blessing, not approval theboss Dec 2015 #139

Funnily enough... LaDuquesaDeKingston Jan 2016 #140

I think asking both parents for a blessing is one thing, but asking just the father for "permission" Arugula Latte Jan 2016 #146

I agree that it's sexist LaDuquesaDeKingston Jan 2016 #147