a friend of mine had a terrible tragedy happen Christmas day. Her son killed himself

[markpkessinger]

32. One thing to keep in mind about funerals/memorial services -- for ANYBODY...

Last edited Mon Dec 28, 2015, 04:01 PM - Edit history (1)

... regardless of the circumstances of the person's death: that is, that these services are, first and foremost, for the benefit of the deceased's family and other loved ones, to help them begin to process their grief and loss. Mind you, it's' only the beginning -- and it is a very long process -- but these rituals or services are an important step for those who are grieving. This is true EVEN if one holds the view (a view I do NOT share, btw) that suicide is somehow shameful. A funeral or memorial service is about commemorating who that person was/what that person meant to those who loved him, and now must carry on without him. That has nothing whatsoever to do with whether or not the person's death was the result of something some people deem to be more or less socially acceptable. Your friend should try, if she can, to put aside any worries about what anybody else will think. And I think, in most cases, she will be surprised at how supportive most people will be.

If the young man's mother, of her own preference, wishes not to have a service, that is certainly her prerogative. But if it is a situation where she is hesitating for fear of what people will think, then I would urge her to try to set those worries aside and to do what her heart tells her to do. Irrespective of the circumstances of her son's death, there is absolutely no reason she shouldn't feel entitled to grieve her loss as fully and completely as anybody else grieves the loss of a loved one. Indeed, if she really wants to have a service, but refrains from doing so out of fear of some kind of social opprobrium, then, in a sense, she will be defining the entirety of her son's life by the tragic circumstances of his death. And that would be a disservice to the memory of her son, as well as to the relationship she had with him.

I simply cannot tell you how this makes me ache for that woman, even though I don't know her in the slightest.