General Discussion

LeftyMom

(49,212 posts)

44. The more important question is how do they handle disagreements?

Mon Dec 28, 2015, 03:28 PM

Dec 2015

My SO and I met here. So obviously we agree about a lot, but we also have pretty closely overlapping opinions on fairly obscure stuff. Learning to handle disagreements about the few things we disagree about? Not gonna lie, we're both stubborn assholes and that was and is fucking hard. Actually, I'm still working on it, he's still working on it and that's probably always going to be a struggle, not taking disagreement personally.

So my personal unsolicited advice: stop worrying about his opinions and start watching how they handle disagreeing. That'll tell you whether or not to put any non-refundable deposits down on the wedding stuff.

And specific advice about their politics: if it was a big deal it probably would have come up before. Sometimes we have to accept that other people have different priorities.

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Daughter discovers her fiance is conservative [View all] exboyfil Dec 2015 OP

In my small experience, common values are necessary for a successful relationship. Scuba Dec 2015 #1

I agree. In a few years she'll be squirming while he's trying to get a busboy or waiter fired. FSogol Dec 2015 #2

Ditto, this WILL NOT WORK. tell her to wait! ViseGrip Dec 2015 #3

Doubt that would help... better she found out now and can find a better match. InAbLuEsTaTe Dec 2015 #55

Not all of them though... TipTok Dec 2015 #12

Values are not the same as tastes, interest and such. Scuba Dec 2015 #13

I agree with Scuba. Arugula Latte Dec 2015 #32

Yes, differing core values is a huge obstacle in marriage. onecaliberal Dec 2015 #33

I agree. But, my parents are on opposite ends of the fence and rarely to never discussed politics. vaberella Dec 2015 #50

The bad part is that RW views go beyond just "discussing" politics. darkangel218 Dec 2015 #4

True that. Turbineguy Dec 2015 #8

This didn't come up before they got engaged? Oof. Brickbat Dec 2015 #5

Good point exboyfil Dec 2015 #9

That was my first thought DebbieCDC Dec 2015 #35

My thought exactly. How do you get so close to each other that that you becoame engaged Fla Dem Dec 2015 #40

In my experience in these cases, more times than not the female converts to conservatism. MohRokTah Dec 2015 #6

My female cousin married a winger. (libertarian type) arely staircase Dec 2015 #25

YUP. HughBeaumont Dec 2015 #29

My husband was a Rush fan when I met him but we never discussed politics. rainy Dec 2015 #7

I hate to admit it but I was a Limbaugh exboyfil Dec 2015 #11

What about the 2000 election did you find compelling enough to change your stripes? Nt JudyM Dec 2015 #26

Jeb and the Florida fix exboyfil Dec 2015 #31

It's cool that instead of just resigning to be a disaffected Republican you switched teams entirely JudyM Dec 2015 #45

How long have they known each other? Snobblevitch Dec 2015 #10

I don't think it will work. Manifestor_of_Light Dec 2015 #14

how does he feel about her body her choice, women working ? saturnsring Dec 2015 #15

I assume he is ok with wive's working exboyfil Dec 2015 #21

I have two daughters. panader0 Dec 2015 #16

I don't think she should bite her tongue. She needs to know how he will treat her in the future. lostnfound Dec 2015 #17

I agree. I think it's hard to believe WhiteTara Dec 2015 #28

I have known couples still together in their 60s and 70s that are political mixed marriages karynnj Dec 2015 #18

People believe what they believe bigwillq Dec 2015 #19

I know there are many conservatives who on the personal level are nice enough Douglas Carpenter Dec 2015 #20

My nephew describes himself as a moderate conservative Matariki Dec 2015 #22

My niece married a guy like that. Lovely man, Republican because his parents were.... Hekate Dec 2015 #27

Sorry, But I had to Laugh itcfish Dec 2015 #38

Weeeellll, it could work. I just know that by the time 1968 was over, I knew I couldn't... Hekate Dec 2015 #23

Maybe most important is for her to learn what this conservative jwirr Dec 2015 #24

Ecccccccch. HughBeaumont Dec 2015 #30

Tell her to run now malaise Dec 2015 #34

Let's not be so negative itcfish Dec 2015 #36

Best wishes to both of them, and you. NCTraveler Dec 2015 #37

After being married for years I found out my husband was a racist republican lunatica Dec 2015 #39

My formerly apolitical ex got brainwashed by FOX and hate radio. Kath1 Dec 2015 #60

It doesn't matter. Love has a way of sweeping little things like politics aside. Inkfreak Dec 2015 #41

i would NEVER NEVER marry a man who was not a democrat and liberal trueblue2007 Dec 2015 #42

I married a politically conservative evangelical. It was rough when we were younger but GreenPartyVoter Dec 2015 #43

The more important question is how do they handle disagreements? LeftyMom Dec 2015 #44

My primary concern is that he's her first relationship. I hope they give this time. lindysalsagal Dec 2015 #46

I was pretty clueless in a lot of ways in my early 20s. GreenEyedLefty Dec 2015 #47

While she follows your advice, don't you do the same. Ask him hard questions in front of her. L. Coyote Dec 2015 #48

I support this advice. I know if it was me, I would take it seriously. n/t vaberella Dec 2015 #53

tell her to run Skittles Dec 2015 #49

Good advice. Buzz Clik Dec 2015 #51

I would say your daughter and her fiance should do those pre-marriage counseling things. vaberella Dec 2015 #52

Signed up for January exboyfil Dec 2015 #54

Oh good. That should help a lot. vaberella Dec 2015 #57

You know, my ex changed during the marriage. Laffy Kat Dec 2015 #56

If it would have been up to me to choose my offsprings' significant others tularetom Dec 2015 #58

For what it is worth, my experience is BillZBubb Dec 2015 #59

The problem is that a conservative political bent is often accompanied pnwmom Dec 2015 #61

If they really love each other then they will find a way. And isn't there a saying that totodeinhere Dec 2015 #62

Crazy. PowerToThePeople Dec 2015 #63