Oregon Lunatics Send Desperate Plea For Snacks And Socks — See The Internet’s Hilarious Reaction

[Solly Mack]

208. Dear Fellow Patriots of the One True America

You may well remember the battle of Jade Helm and how successful we were at holding the government at bay. We saved Texas and we can save Oregon too!

We understand that you can't be with us here in person, due to your government checks being delayed, and we know your Medicare paid for scooters don't do well in the snow, but you can still be here in spirit!

Remember us while using your SNAP card at the grocery store! Buy a little extra and send us as much as you can. Just go down to your local U.S. Post Office and show your support by sending a care package today!

We'll take money or goods. Cash is preferable, as we don't trust the banks either.

You may be aware of our cause: To defend true Americans from the tyranny of government by exercising our right to trespass on federal lands and to threaten violence against those who deny us that right.

You may know our goals: To restore the Constitution because, obviously, we're not really free if we can't take up arms against the government.

If you're tired of the government telling you you can't engage in armed insurrection, then please send your donations today!

Even though we were well prepared for this moment, can a person ever truly be prepared for the restoration and glory of sedition?

Your help is needed.


P.S. Please send netting. The birds are shitting all over us. A government plot if ever there was one.






(Disclaimer: I am NOT mocking those that rely on government services. I AM mocking those who rely on government services and support anti-government, tea party-esque ignorance.)