‘I’m Trump All The Way,’ Says Man Who Will Die From Mishandling Fireworks Months Before Election

[Zorro]

3. Oh yeah. I forgot.

The Onion was thrown under the bus after they put this on their website:

Female Presidential Candidate Who Was United States Senator, Secretary Of State Told To Be More Inspiring

NEW YORK—Citing her lackluster support among young voters, campaign consultants to Hillary Clinton, the Democratic presidential frontrunner who has served as both a U.S. senator and secretary of state, reportedly instructed the candidate this week to be more inspiring.

“Right now, voters are looking for a candidate who stands for real societal change, someone who can stir something inside them,” said media advisor Jim Margolis, urging the woman—who overcame entrenched societal biases to build a successful legal career, became the first female senator elected in the state of New York, oversaw the Department of State during a period of widespread international tumult, and, if elected, would be the first female president in American history—to appear more uplifting to voters.

“Many young people have completely lost faith in the political process, and they want to believe that true progress is actually possible. They want someone who embodies progressive ideals.”

Margolis added that Clinton was too much a part of the establishment she spent decades breaking down barriers to enter.

http://www.theonion.com/article/female-presidential-candidate-who-was-united-state-52367