The 12 Steps of Donald Trump Addiction [View all]

[WilliamPitt]

Talking to my mom about Trump today, and she's convinced he won't make it to November. "Health problems, they'll say," she said. "Addiction," I replied because I think he's a speed freak. "He's addicted to himself," she said.

... which led to a probably deplorable riff on Alcoholics Anonymous:

Donald Trump Anonymous. "Hi, my name is Donald and I'm addicted to me."

"Hi Donald!"

The DTA 12 Steps:

We admitted we were powerless over being an asshole.

Came to believe that no greater Power exists, because we are that greater power.

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of Ourselves as we understood Us.

Refused to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of how it's gonna be great, believe me.

Were entirely ready to have all these defects of character stay right where they are.

Humbly asked Him to go fuck Himself.

Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and found them so we could fuck their shit up all over again.

Made direct contact with such people wherever possible, especially when to do so would injure them or others.

Fail to continue to take personal inventory and when we were wrong never admit it.

Refuse to seek through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him. That shit's for douchebag Protestants and silly Catholics.

Having had no spiritual awakening whatsoever as the result of these steps, we swear to carry this message to Donald Trump Addicts and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

(No offense to any brothers and sisters in AA intended)