My heart is broken

[calimary]

113. I'm so sorry to hear this, choie.

Only 48? His death is sad enough, but only 48 years old? That is so YOUNG!!!

It's hard to know what to say because I know what you really want is to be with him again and hold him again and hear his voice and his laughter. And none of us is able to help you reach that.

All I do know is what happened to me the night my mom died after years of illness. We had a difficult relationship pretty much all the way along, so I was awash in grief, confusion, mixed feelings, and just a cyclone of conflicting bittersweet thoughts and memories.

So, sometime during the wee hours in the middle of a sleepless night, I sat with my computer and posted about her passing on DU.

I could not believe what happened next.

There was a reply. And then another one. And then another one.

Soon there were dozens. And more dozens. And still more. They just kept coming and coming and coming.

By the next afternoon there were several hundred! Everyone so sweet and sympathetic - plenty of empathy, too, from people who were in mourning for loved ones themselves. Offers of comfort and suggestions for staying zen about it. The love and camaraderie and support was literally overwhelming. It buoyed me up - tremendously! People I only knew from an anonymous online hangout just rose to help me and sit with me so I didn't feel alone. I was so touched that I STILL get choked up about it, as I'm doing as I write this, and - shit, come this fall she'll have been gone ten years.

I wanted to share this with you for two reasons - just a gesture about what an outpouring of comfort and kindness and care and concern that was (and I'm so gratified to know you're discovering it for yourself now), and as a reaffirmation to anyone else who reads this as to how much I STILL appreciate it and will NEVER forget it. That meant the world to me, and it sure did help me get through that strange and sad time.

Make a note of this thread, or save it in some way. You may find great continuing solace referring back to it, especially in moments where you feel particularly unsettled anew by the loss, or it takes you longer than you expected to come to terms with it, or you feel alone. It will help you so much! You won't believe how many people care about you, including those you've never even met. A thread like this is all the proof you need. There are MANY strong pairs of shoulders here very willing to be there for you. They will buoy you up.