Father's Day reflection from a daughter of domestic abuse

[truedelphi]

38. Same situation I faced with my mom. Though

She set it up so that everyone in her inner circle, including my only sibling, heard only how much she loved me, how much she cared, ad nauseum. But if we were alone, the only thing I got from her was her put downs, her anger and need for me to "reform."

As far as forgiveness, I once just offered up the situation to the Universe. She deserves forgiveness, I know that. Her mom died when she was very small. And she was raised by a series of abusive step mothers.

But as someone whose whole life changed, due to her vile behavior, I can't do it (the whole forgiveness thing.) The very first time she threw me against the hallway walls and screamed at me that I could be put away in a mental institute before my father got home from work, (my crime: two small bobby pins in my hair) was the last peaceful day of my life.

The inner demons are there and though somewhat quieter now, they will be haunting me till I take my last breath.