Judge: 13-year-old girl gets lighter sentence if her ponytail gets cut off

[EFerrari]

70. WHY SHAMING DOESN'T WORK

WHY SHAMING DOESN'T WORK
Shame doesn't teach about relationship or empathy.

While shaming has the power to control behaviour, it does not have the power to teach empathy. When we repeatedly label a child 'naughty' or otherwise, we condition them to focus inwardly, they become pre-occupied with themselves and their failure to please. Thus children learn to label themselves, but learn nothing about relating; about considering or comprehending the feelings of others. For empathy to develop, children need to be shown how others feel. In calling children 'naughty', for example, we have told the child nothing about how we feel in response to their behaviour. Children cannot learn about caring for others' feelings, nor about how their behaviour impacts on others, while they are thinking: 'there is something wrong with me'. In fact, psychotherapists and researchers are finding that individuals who are more prone to shame, are less capable of empathy toward others, and more self-preoccupied.

The only true basis for morality is a deeply felt empathy toward the feelings of others. Empathy is not necessarily what drives the 'well-behaved' 'good boy' or 'good girl'.

http://www.nospank.net/grille3.htm

snipped from: 'GOOD' CHILDREN - AT WHAT PRICE?:
THE SECRET COST OF SHAME
By Robin Grille and Beth Macgregor
First published in Sydney's Child, May 1, 2002