1. Masturbation would be negligent homicide.
2. Each and every sperm must be named, need a birth certificate, a death certificate, and you'll still be charged if expressed without benefit of marriage and for the purpose of conception.
3. Nocturnal emissions would be involuntary manslaughter.
4. All emissions of sperm that do not result in conception will be taxed.
5. All sexual intercourse resulting in the emission of sperm other than those for the sole purpose of conception within the confines of marriage is a capital offense.
6. Viagra will be limited to those over the age of 50 and making $250,000 a year. You must have spousal approval, so you must be married. Insurance will not cover. Otherwise, God wanted you to be limp and we can't argue with God.
7. Vasectomy is now a capital felony. To get one or perform one.
8. No more penile implants. God wanted you to be limp and we can't argue with God.
Not that I've been thinking about this. 
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