Johns Hopkins Psych finally said it: Malignant Narcissism

[politicat]

12. It makes us question ourselves a lot.

Because we see it, and so we spend a lot of time reality checking for each other. We can be gaslit, too, after all. The hardest part has been recognizing there is consensus within the community (one of my teaching peers is actually using the circling shark debate video to train grad students) but not being able to take it public, then watching the public and the media fall for all of the classic traps and gaslighting.

The good news is that narcissists are more alike than different. They're highly predictable, in a general way. And denying them attention while enforcing boundaries is a functional strategy. The only one, as it happens. But to make it work requires a massive proportion of the population to sign on to ignore the antics, isolate the offender and enforce boundaries.

But with this? Now we can start doing Narcissist Survival 101 seminars.

I'm so sorry regarding your (hopefully) STBX. I can't imagine marrying one -- I grew up with two of them (different varieties, and fortunately, they were each other's primary source of supply). They are like being through the looking glass. (Disordered parents -- the reason most shrinks are shrinks!)

Seriously -- do your self-care, at the very minimum. You and we need you as recovered as possible, so if Il Douche is triggering, mute his tangerine ass and work the trigger. It's not weak -- it's a form of resistance to refuse to play his game.