"62 Million Reasons I'm Not the Same Anymore"

[kytngirl]

31. John Pavlovitz read my mind.

Last edited Wed Mar 15, 2017, 02:34 PM - Edit history (1)

I couldn't believe he has written verbatim exactly how I feel. How I feel at work, how I feel at church, how I feel about living in this great country. Everything has changed.

I am a woman of color. I belong to a predominately white southern baptist church of about 2,000 active members. I've been a member for over 10 years. I'd grown to love my church and have made life-long friends. I was warmly embraced and never made to feel different, even when I would be at functions with over 200 people and I was the lone chocolate chip in the cookie.

I'd attended black baptist churches all of my life until I join my current church. I took a 9-month Bible study course there and knew that was where I needed to be in order for me to grow spiritually. Until I joined that church I didn't even know what "evangelical" meant. It was never used in the black churches I grew up in or attended later in life. I now know that when I hear the the word evangelical, for the most part it means "white" Christian. Still I was content.

Then #45 happened. I went to church the Sunday after the election and the congregation was just electric. You could feel their happiness and joy at #45 being elected president. I sat there and wept. I looked around at those faces and said to myself, "How could you?" I've not been back since.

I will eventually go back I suppose. They are the same people now as they were after the election. I'm the one who changed, not them. They have called me (it wasn't hard not to notice when I wasn't there). They have emailed and texted me. They have sent me letters and cards. They have sent me gifts of books and CDs - trying to "lift my spirit". They don't know what's wrong or what has happened. All they know is that they don't see me anymore. I tell each and everyone of them the same thing when they inquire. "Nobody said anything to hurt me. I just cannot handle this church right now."

I did email my pastor and asked him to help me understand how he could preach Jesus Sunday and Sunday and then people (him too probably) vote for someone with no moral compass, a white supremacist, someone as far from Jesus as you could get. I told him that hearts were exposed by their votes. He responded (IMO) rather huffy and said that he wouldn't answer my question because he'd never walked in my shoes. Huh? Whatever. Then he went on to say that members told him they couldn't bring themselves to vote for HRC. Okay, but HRC wasn't part of my question. Needless to say of all the members who have contacted me to say they miss me, love me and are praying for me, my pastor is not among them.