Trump Reportedly Made Melania Promise She'd "Get Her Body Back" Before He Agreed to Have a Kid

[gratuitous]

8. Wait, wait; before we all rush to judgment: What does Ivanka say?

As we all know, Ivanka is on record endorsing dear old dad's relentless advocacy for women. While it's not clear how the women President Trump grabbed by pussy feel about this, we can't just write Trump off as a skeevy buttmunch until Ivanka trumpsplains it for us. We should be treated to a parade of teen-age pageant contestants who were standing around in the dressing room in their altogethers when Trump strolled in to leer at them. I hope the woman that Trump moved in on like a bitch even though he knew she was married will come forward to favor us all with tales of Trump's advocacy. Perhaps Ivanka will tell us in her own filial words how she feels about her father's repeated comments over the years complimenting her on her various bodily parts, and how he'd pursue her if she wasn't, you know, his daughter.

Ivanka? Ivanka?