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Bernardo de La Paz

(60,320 posts)
4. You mean "flesh out".
Sun May 14, 2017, 02:44 PM
May 2017

Change it to:

This is just a diversion from the facts, revealed every day, that Trump, his associates, appointees, and the entire leadership of the Republican Party deliberately colluded with a hostile foreign government to subvert the United States in national and world affairs, and did it for money and power.

Compare it word for word with yours. In particular a few word were dropped to increase the potency and directness.

* Initial capital on sentences
* "every-day-revealing fact" is very awkward wording. The facts are being revealed. The facts are not doing the revealing.
* Drop the "third party foundations and associates". It doesn't add anything so therefore it is excessive verbiage that gets in the way.
* Change the and/or to a simple "and". They (collectively) did it for both, though individuals might have done it for one or the other or both.
* "his associates and appointees": try to avoid "and" in the middle of lists because it makes the reader stumble until they figure out that the list has not yet ended.
* Dropping "Donald" is a question of style; I favor brevity whenever possible since briefer is usually more potent.

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