Separating a child from its mother can be very painful. But nobody wants to talk about it.

[pnwmom]

11. Where are your links for that?

I know 3 adoptive children and -- for whatever reason -- none of the three mothers in these open adoptions has tried to have any contact. If they do, the adoptive parents will make sure it happens, because they want the best for the kids.

But you shouldn't assume that if children aren't having contact with the birth parents, it's the fault of the adoptive parents. Birth parents can have their own reasons for not wanting contact.

I had a 40 year old friend who was unhappy because she had found her birth mother -- and learned she had siblings -- but her birth mother wanted no contact. And the birth mother also wanted the adoptee to stay away from her siblings.

You are also overlooking the fact that sometimes there are husbands or partners involved who are the reason the birth mother wants no contact. That isn't the fault of the adoptive parent, and it's not a short term problem.