Family member just came out as transgender.

[Ms. Toad]

29. Ask. Many people who are transgender

do not identify as binary (he or she). They use gender neutral pronouns - ze/zir/zim; they; e/em/es. Pronouns are often very personal and do not necessarily match gender presentation. Ask. It is considerate, and the only way to avoid being a jerk. (Don't ever use he/she. That is a derrogatory term. Better to pick the wrong term than to use a term that is used very intentionally by people suggesting people who are trans are not really legitimate.)

Second, a friend of mine who is trans told everyone that they had as long to get her new pronouns right as they had known her. So if you just met her, she expected you to use the right pronouns from day 1. If you had known her a year, you had a year to make the switch. Etc.