Family member just came out as transgender.

[politicat]

36. Among the other good suggestions about pronouns and names...

Update her contact info to reflect her name, and send a "rebirthday" gift. Coming out should be celebrated (even a $20 gift card or a piece of family costume jewelry). Put a reminder to send a card on this date in one year. Try *really, really* hard to not use her deadname (the one she was given at birth). That can be really painful.

Surgery isn't necessary, and isn't always desired, so don't poke at that. It doesn't matter that much and it doesn't matter what's going on under other people's clothes. Some transpeople don't want to take the risks of severed nerves and anesthesia; some cannot afford the time or money; some think their bodies are just fine once the hormones get going. We don't usually think about the state of cis gendered people's genitals unless we're actually interested in sexytimes with them; there's no reason to think about it with our transfamilies.

Let her lead, let her know you're there for whatever she needs, and just keep caring. Do poke other family members to not be jerks if you see them being jerks.