White mother of black children (and white children) tells it like it is.

[qwlauren35]

62. History repeats...

For several generations in my family, there have been sets of sisters of different shades. One light enough to be "puzzling" and one obviously "a person of color". It has just happened again, and the older, darker sister has figured it out. She is 3.

It is important to realize just how early in life our children learn about race, and begin to see that people of different colors are treated differently. To try to pretend that it's not real is ridiculous.

It will not hurt his self-esteem to teach him that there are ass-holes in the world who will not see what a great kid he is because they only see his color. Teach him that these people are wrong. But don't pretend the people don't exist. When he is with you, he is already getting weird stares. Are you pretending that it isn't happening? Please do not, because that will only confuse him. Let him talk about it, in his six year old voice. Help him make some sense of it.

It sounds like you want to be color-blind. No. No. No. That does not help your child. You have a brown child. A beautiful brown child. He will never, ever be white. He may be surrounded by love in his own home, but the minute he walks out of the house, from a distance, his height, sex and race are noted, long before anyone sees that he is a nice child. It's what nearly every American does. Height, sex, race. And only once we have categorized a person do we decide how to deal with them. We do it without thinking. Do I fear that person? Do I mate with that person? Do I embrace and welcome that person in kinship because they look like me? Do I avoid that person because they don't look like me? Could that person hurt me? Could I take them in a fight?

Do some reading, lots of reading. Read about how to raise black boys into men. Read about how other white mothers have raised their black sons. Absolutely do NOT be ignorant about what you've gotten yourself into. You are a white woman, married to a black man, with a black child. I *know* you've already been stared at. Even if you want to pretend it hasn't happened. If you're lucky, you haven't been called a ni**er lover. But there are probably people who have looked at you with that thought in their minds. Maybe you have chosen to dismiss it. That's something white people can get away with. After all, it doesn't happen when you are alone. You're still white. But your child is not white. Will never be white. Cannot pretend to be white. Will not be accepted as white. People will always, always, always see your child's color.

He's going to have questions. Just be ready to answer them. With love, and truth.