Thoughts on GoFundMe?

[bettyellen]

15. GoFund me is fine. It's up to you to respond, your wife needs to respect her deeply ingrained

Feelings about this are largely culturally based ideas that are more about how thinks look, or should work, rather than what they are. Families can help, but not friends? Does that mean family must help- no matter what? Where does that leave people who are already unfortunate enough to have no family - or no family able to help? Such ideas may have worked for many but were also needlessly cruel to others. These days many have friends they consider and treat like family- and that's to be celebrated!


I've worked with some people who had old Asian idea of dignity and karma and they were pretty extreme, and in their own way quite rude. I was told they believe my Mom had dementia because she was a cruel person. ot was a punishment. Ugh, how screwy.
I was also told, when sending email thank yous w a nice message -two days after her funeral- that it was time to get over it. I know these people were just sort of regurgitating what they learned growing up, and it's hard to let go of, but damn. I know if they had looked at my life they'd be appalled at how much I dosobeyed my mom too. Whatever. I'm just saying that it's worth examining these cultural rules she grew up with and whether they're kind, relevant or really fit your shared values.

LYou have your own reasons for wanting to help others, she has her own reasons to be concerned where your limits are. You guys have a kid, I think? She maybe taking the whole "family first" ethos a little more seriously now because of that.
Worth exploring with her what generosity and philanthropy mean to the both of you.