Breaking: Strange, Depressed Orange Man Spotted on Roof of WH [View all]

[ProudLib72]

This is a developing story...

Reports are coming in about an orange hued man standing perilously close to the edge of the WH roof. The man is apparently repeating the same word over and over "MAGA", as he stares at the ground below. Police who have been called to the scene have sent in a professional psychologist to try and talk the man down, but so far it has not helped. The man is insisting he will only speak with Hannity from Fox News network. Police are afraid that the extra long tie the man is wearing will catch the wind that is beginning to pick up, and that he will be pulled over the edge. Several WH aides have tried luring the man off the roof with buckets of KFC, pizza from Pizza Hut, and charred steaks slathered in ketchup. So far, the only response has been a slight pause in the man's repetition of "MAGA" to say the words "Diet Coke". Evangelicals from across the country have showed up, promising to lay hands on the man's body should he decide to jump....

A woman has just emerged from the WH. It is unclear what she is saying. It appears she is speaking English but with a very heavy eastern European accent. It seems she is shouting insults at the man, encouraging him to jump. Yes, the woman is definitely trying to bully the man into jumping from the roof....

Firefighters have arrived on the scene. They seem to be wandering aimlessly. The fire chief is saying something about budget cuts and not being able to afford a safety net....


UPDATE AS OF 2PM TODAY!!!

Throughout the day yesterday a small crowd was gathered in front of the WH to watch the strange man on the roof. This afternoon, Hillary Clinton made an appearance and the crowd swelled to over 20,000. She autographed some copies of her new book and told everyone not to worry about the strange man on the roof: "This is just him being histrionic," she said. Hillary Clinton stayed for half an hour then left. The majority of the crowd dispersed soon afterward.