Scott Walker tweet: If Noah had help from gov't, ark might never have been built

[gulliver]

137. Mass murder fantasy by proxy

"Noah," said God, "I'm gonna kill almost everybody on the planet. Everyone is so rotten, I just need to clean up. I'm gonna keep two of each animal so they can repopulate though."

"That's fine by me, God," said Noah, "and I'm sure most people will have no problem with it."

"Right. Some day, this story will have real appeal. Everyone who dislikes most other people enough to get a charge out of a mass drowning will love this story. Everyone's gonna love it. Millions, maybe billions of them will think they would be the ones on the ark if it happened again. Every last toad one of them will think it's all about them." God smacked Noah on the shoulder chummily.

"What do I do if a bunch of sinners try to get on the ark? Some of them have boats you know. What if a fishing boat full of women, children, kittens, and puppies pulls up along side us as we are leaving?"

"Keep moving."

"I get you."

"Sometimes if you bake a cake you have to break a few eggs. Some people like the egg breaking as much as the cake in fact."

"Yeah. Goddamned asshole worthless eggs, every last one of them."

"You, your family, a bunch of animals, and me. The rest..." God drew his thumb across his neck.

"Good thing it's your idea, God. I don't think I could get away with it. If you let me flip the rain switch that did all the kitten and toddler drowning, no one would like me. But since it is you..."

"Yup, I guess it is a good thing I exist," said God. "If I didn't it would just be a fantasy being of your own making doing all of that killing. In a way, it would be you."

"Yup, good thing you exist. I need you for stuff like this."