I've been in denial. [View all]

[Solly Mack]

I've been telling myself I was disgusted more than angry over the election, the seeming acceptance of the election, the attempts at normalization of Trump, his family, his cabinet, his conflicts - all things Trump, really. His supporters, the idea of good Nazis, the attacks on all things decent. Again, all things Trump and all things Conservative/Republican/Right wing.

But I'm actually very angry. Incredibly so.

I've missed or ignored the usual signs of anger in me. If I am angry and shed tears, I'm less likely to blow as the tears act as a release. I'm no less angry - just unlikely to lash out. My anger ebbs but my concern and caring don't. My humanity remains.

My anger has been cold, calm, and buried deep - but it is there and it has been acting on me. Tummy problems, headaches, and simply not wanting to bother with human interaction if it involves even the slightest chance of running across a republican of any persuasion.

I don't like me this way. There was a time when I could watch a hearing or press briefing or speech by a republican and maintain a sense of humor, even if only sardonic - my cynicism both a shield and a release. Now, I can't do it. It's too infuriating. I can still be mocking, but the release isn't there - only more anger. So I don't watch. I don't engage. I simply grow angrier.

I don't want to look at people through the lens of anger. It serves no purpose. And, of course, I get angry at myself for allowing it to happen. More anger.

Thank you for listening.

Solly