General Discussion

procon

(15,805 posts)

50. I can't nuance the intentions of men who won't keep their hands off women.

Wed Nov 22, 2017, 07:44 PM

Nov 2017

Call it lechery or domination, an invasion of privacy, condescension, or just ignorance, I can only speak from my own experience, and when some man touches me without consent its demeaning and I feel humiliated and belittled. Unwelcome physical contact establishes the man in the dominate role, then the woman becomes his subordinate, a powerless non-person. So I guess a woman, regardless of age would be like submissive dog who could be controlled by a pat on the head. What men do with that control is the topic at large today.

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She Doesnt Owe Anyone a Hug. Not Even at the Holidays [View all] DesertRat Nov 2017 OP

I have a daughter that hates being touched and I have always honored her discomfort much to the Happyhippychick Nov 2017 #1

I'm a septuagenarian and men still think they have a right to invade my procon Nov 2017 #2

That's a good reminder NastyRiffraff Nov 2017 #5

And about different levels of comfort with being touched. Hortensis Nov 2017 #30

And different levels at different times and in different situations. MineralMan Nov 2017 #34

I'd hate to think that a comforting touch would become inappropriate in our society. Chemisse Nov 2017 #61

Agree so much with you both. Including that women need to be Hortensis Nov 2017 #62

For over 6 years in teh 1970s skip fox Nov 2017 #69

Well said! DesertRat Nov 2017 #38

This message was self-deleted by its author Pacifist Patriot Nov 2017 #44

I can't nuance the intentions of men who won't keep their hands off women. procon Nov 2017 #50

I think that is an effort to be comforting and/or give love. Chemisse Nov 2017 #63

Speaking as an elder, that demeaning ageism is very patronizing and insulting. procon Nov 2017 #70

If you are fully autonomous and cogent, why are you identifying as a "very elderly person"? Chemisse Nov 2017 #72

I loathe the 'hug' culture that we seem to have evolved to. CrispyQ Nov 2017 #68

Love this message. K&R WhiskeyGrinder Nov 2017 #3

I agree with this pandr32 Nov 2017 #4

It's hard to take this as an adult message Drahthaardogs Nov 2017 #6

Not to mention lice, bedbugs, bacteria, fungi, viruses & other reasons why you shouldn't touch peopl FarCenter Nov 2017 #7

I totally agree with this. kimmylavin Nov 2017 #8

I love that! DesertRat Nov 2017 #21

I remember being coerced into unwanted hugs as a child. ariadne0614 Nov 2017 #9

Welcome to DU, ariadne0614! calimary Nov 2017 #10

Thank you! ariadne0614 Nov 2017 #66

Beautiful! DesertRat Nov 2017 #22

I love it DesertRat Nov 2017 #39

You are most welcome. ariadne0614 Nov 2017 #67

I grew up with it but have encountered people who didn't IronLionZion Nov 2017 #11

I'll take "cold efficiency" over touchy-feely anyday Skittles Nov 2017 #55

I don't entirely agree with this. Hugging can be beneficial to young children. LisaM Nov 2017 #12

Thank you for making these points oberliner Nov 2017 #23

Well stated. If we're not careful we'll find... LAS14 Nov 2017 #26

Nah, that's getting carried away DesertRat Nov 2017 #40

When I taught preK DesertRat Nov 2017 #27

Choice is the key in my opinion. Pacifist Patriot Nov 2017 #46

Agreed. nt DesertRat Nov 2017 #49

You are absolutely correct... llmart Nov 2017 #56

Right -- to the extent that parents can and should be physically affectionate with their children. pnwmom Nov 2017 #60

I suppose there's an argument for this. But really... Honeycombe8 Nov 2017 #13

Hugs mean as much to male relatives as they do to female relatives oberliner Nov 2017 #14

Yes, it does. Honeycombe8 Nov 2017 #16

My experience is completely different from yours oberliner Nov 2017 #19

K&R Solly Mack Nov 2017 #15

This applies to little boys, too. TNNurse Nov 2017 #17

That's the truth! MontanaMama Nov 2017 #52

I never initiate hugs with anyone but my wife and mother. MineralMan Nov 2017 #18

Not sure why the rules are different for males and females oberliner Nov 2017 #20

Here's the deal. Men should not initiate hugs with women unless there is MineralMan Nov 2017 #25

But women can initiate hugs without the same restriction? oberliner Nov 2017 #28

Yes. Each family is unique, but more importantly, each person MineralMan Nov 2017 #32

I'll give you another example. The daughter of one of my wife's cousins MineralMan Nov 2017 #29

Gauging someone's body language and adjusting behavior accordingly makes sense to me oberliner Nov 2017 #31

Like all rules, I make my own, and then follow them. MineralMan Nov 2017 #33

Understood oberliner Nov 2017 #35

My first generation nieces and nephews grew up calling me MineralMan Nov 2017 #36

i've been reading your posts in this thread orleans Nov 2017 #57

Thank you for the kind words! MineralMan Nov 2017 #65

I love the Girl Scouts. They GET it. TygrBright Nov 2017 #24

Well said DesertRat Nov 2017 #37

I always felt bad when parents tell kids wasupaloopa Nov 2017 #41

When parents do that with me.... Pacifist Patriot Nov 2017 #43

Very good I like that wasupaloopa Nov 2017 #48

My parents made light of this to me this morning. Pacifist Patriot Nov 2017 #42

At family gatherings, we are hugging everybody... MrScorpio Nov 2017 #45

Good wildflowergardener Nov 2017 #47

Great message for all, saidsimplesimon Nov 2017 #51

I am NOT a touchy-feely person, and I was not as a child either. cwydro Nov 2017 #53

Great post. I remember as a teen being uncomfortable hugging one of my dad's business Amaryllis Nov 2017 #54

What nonsense. MrModerate Nov 2017 #58

Right. No parent should insist a child hug someone else. I had a little niece who used to be shy. pnwmom Nov 2017 #59

I think most responsible and thoughtful parents respect their children in this way nowadays. Chemisse Nov 2017 #64

I've always been grateful and thankful that my nieces and nephews ran to give me a hug Nitram Nov 2017 #71