Drugmakers fought state opioid limits amid crisis

[Sand Rat Expat]

11. Speaking as a recovering addict to narcotic painkillers, I feel two ways about this.

TL;DR at the end for those not wishing to read a novel...

On the one hand, there's no doubt that Purdue lied and manipulated the data to back up their assertion that OxyContin was less addictive. And there's no doubt that the pharmaceutical industry as a whole is focused on profits over anything else. And I read somewhere just recently that 99% of physicians in the States over-prescribe narcotics or prescribe them for longer than is indicated.

I wound up addicted to oxycodone (and just about anything else I could get my hands on, though I never graduated to heroin, thankfully) because I had major issues with chronic back pain. However, because I was underinsured, I couldn't afford to get the problem properly diagnosed. My family doc, who'd known me since I was in my late teens, prescribed Percocet to help with the pain. Over seven years, the dose gradually went up, and then when I moved to Canada, I was suddenly cut off, because it's very difficult to obtain a prescription for those kinds of painkillers without a serious diagnosis.

Long story short, I did a lot of things I'm not proud of. I lied to my parents and my wife, inventing reasons to fly home to the States purely so I could visit my old doctor. I flew home three times in a six-month span at $300-$400 a pop, ostensibly to get records from an old job that couldn't be mailed because of security concerns. Then the truth came out, as it always eventually does.

My wife had divorced her first husband because he was an alcoholic, but he didn't acknowledge the problem and refused to get help. She swore to me, when she told me about it when we were dating, that she'd never go through that again. All the same, she stood by me, and this January will mark three years of sobriety for me.

Thanks to Canada's healthcare system, I was able to get help through a three-week outpatient program and weekly visits with addiction specialists, along with a prescription for a medication which controls cravings. I was also able to finally get a diagnosis: arthritis in the hips, which caused enough pain to make me unconsciously change my gait, which in turn screwed my back up royally. I was able to see a rheumatologist, and today the pain problem is under control without the need for narcotics.

I felt it necessary to explain that background before I got to the "on the other hand." On the other hand, no one ever forced me to seek or take those medications. No one forced me to lie in order to obtain them. The pharmaceutical industry isn't responsible for what happened to me. My mother was inclined to be angry at my doctor when she learned what was going on, but after I had gained some clarity, I told her, and she understands, that my doctor isn't at fault here. I lied to him, and I did so well enough that he believed me.

I feel great sympathy and, of course, empathy for those who wind up addicted to painkillers. I know what it's like to be in pain to the point where another minute of it will drive you insane, because you can't afford to get all the tests done to find out what the problem is. I know what it's like to need that next dose, just to have a little temporary peace. I know what it's like to suffer from withdrawal.

The worst pain, though, is when you gain some clarity and look back at the things you did and the things you said. No physical pain I've ever experienced can hold a candle to the guilt, shame, remorse, and self-loathing that you feel when you realize just what you did to yourself and those who love you.

But at the end of the day, I don't and can't blame anyone else for what happened to me. Looking back, I know now that the pain I felt wasn't so awful that I needed narcotics, but I'd convinced myself it was. But Purdue didn't put a gun to my head and a pill bottle in my hand. Neither did my doctor, or the healthcare system in the States. Every time I opened the pill bottle, I was making a choice to continue down a toxic path. Absolving addicts of the responsibility for their choices by blaming Big Pharma, doctors, or the healthcare system isn't going to solve the problem.

TL;DR - While it's true that Big Pharma lied and doctors over-prescribe, ultimately no one is forcing these medications down anyone's throat. Starting down the path of addiction is, a lot of the time, a choice. Staying on that path is also a choice. When faced with a choice, a person has a responsibility to make the right decision.