"Gentlemen,
Our profits have been surging, and this is good. However, our shareholders tell us that profits are not surging fast enough to make them happy. So I would like to propose the following operational changes:
1. Elimination of paid rest breaks. If our air traffic controllers want to rest, they should do it on their own time.
2. No mandatory down time or shift turnaround time. They're sitting down and staring at a screen all day. By God, my grandson does that, and we don't pay him.
3. Reduce pay for all ATC's to minimum wage. Sitting down and staring at a screen is something anyone can do, even my grandson. Why pay competitive wages for that?
4. Fire all full-time ATC's, and re-hire them at part-time status, no matter how many hours they work. In this company, 'benefits' means: you have a job and a paycheck. You benefit from that.
5. Eliminate the weekend. What? People don't fly on the weekends? Get those ATC's in their chairs on Saturday and Sunday, and tell them to stop crying like a bunch of sissy-la-la's.
6. Lock all ATC's on-shift in the control tower until their shift ends. You can't trust them to be working to maximum efficiency if they can come and go as they please.
7. Eliminate all office-sponsored holiday parties, Christmas, New Year, July 4th, etc. We're not Party Universe. We're a real business. Let them party on their own time. Here, they work.
8. We are already in the process of eliminating health coverage. It's a tremendous waste of potential profit. If they get sick, they should die quickly so we can fill their slot with a new hire. Don't forget: We are the job creators.
I think this is a good start. Any additional ideas on boosting profits will be appreciated.
Meeting adjourned.
Hail Ayn!
= new reply since forum marked as read