IOC drops wrestling from 2020 Olympics

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

9. Breaking: IOC announces it is dropping sports from the Olympics

New York - Citing its long-term television contract with NBC, the International Olympic Committee announced today that all athletic events are being dropped from the 2020 Olympics in favor of soft-focus, human-interest features about the adversities that might have been faced by the athletes had they actually been competing.

"NBC assures us that these features are quite popular with the American audience," said IOC Spokesman Nigel Sneed, "and we're dedicated to ensuring that the Americans have an enjoyable Olympic experience."

Air time between the features will be filled with segments from veteran NBC Sportscaster Bob Costas. In lieu of interviewing actual athletes, Costas will stare quietly at a CGI-generated fireplace in the studio or perhaps read silently to himself.

"We feel that this new approach will be both exciting and economical," Sneed added. "The IOC will no longer be required to transport and house athletes from around the world. In fact, we've already begun selling off our surplus equipment. This is quite a financial bonanza for the IOC."

Used equipment, and what's left of the IOC's integrity, will be auctioned off on E-Bay later this year.