Coupon leads Crawfordville woman to pull gun on Walmart employees

[Bucky]

35. I blame commercials using phrases like "Prices that blow away the competition!"

This is obviously the root of the violence here. I also call on the Florida legislature to pass legislation authorizing all retail cashiers to carry firearms and take gun safety and markmanship classes. Cashiers will keep on getting weapons brandished at them until they learn to stand their ground against dangerous shopping elements in society.

Okay, I'll just come out and say it. Consumers in this society have a sense of entitlement, as if they're the whole reason retail stores even exist. This is nothing but another form of politically correct liberal fascism. Stores are there for the people who built them, the job-creators, the banker-investors who heroically create jobs for society so that, one day, these cashiers can fulfill their American dream and become megamall owners themselves.

But the liberal elitists with their consumer protection laws and product safety regulations are destroying, destroying I say!, America's stores. They're practically turning our stores into shooting galleries with their liberal activist judges and tofu. Now, I say, it's time for America to fight back and take our stores back from these dangerous consumers. So when Florida passes the "Cashier Self-Protection ACT"--already helpfully written by the American Legislative Exchange Council so our poor overworked state legislators don't have to waste time writing or reading this heroic bill--we can finally celebrate freedom in America again.

This law will allow cashiers to proudly service their customers while keeping their weapons already drawn and leveled at the customers in line (that way the lazy, stoned, takers won't be able to get the drop on them, should they decide to start shooting. These cashiers are our First Baggers. When America shops, they're there for us. It's time for us to be there for them. Support ALEC and this law. Remember, guns don't kill people, coupons kill people.