Gun Groups Declare Newtown Massacre Anniversary "Guns Save Lives Day"

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29. Some of the Gawker comments are priceless

One time, I was texting and driving and the gun told me to put down my phone, right before some nuns started to cross the street.
gunssavelives

One time, a big burly black man walked past me on the same side of the sidewalk and I had a heart attack from fear, and my gun happened to have a defibrillator nearby.

#gunssavelives

This one time, I couldn't allow the bus to go below 50 mph or it would explode and the gun rested on the gas pedal just enough to keep it there.
gunssavelives

Once, when I was a kid, I got really sick. My Mom didn't bother taking me to a doctor, even though I had a fever of 106. She bought me a hunting rifle, and I got well.
gunssavelives

I was in a horrible car accident once, and was trapped in my burning vehicle bleeding profusely. A Gun Samaritan came out of nowhere, pulled me from the wreckage, dragged me to safety, controlled my bleeding, and covered me with spent shell casings and abbreviated copies of the Second Amendment to keep me warm until the paramedics arrived.

I heard later the Gun Samaritan went over and shot the person who caused the accident to death, thereby preventing this person from ever causing another accident like this again. Sadly, this Gun Samaritan left the scene without giving anyone its name. So if you're reading this, please reply and so I can repay your selfless act of kindness and violence. Until then, I'll keep a tattered, bloody piece of paper bearing the words "...the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed" taped to my bathroom mirror as a daily reminder of my debt to you.
gunssavelives