Rep. Louie Gohmert: I’m no prophet but Netanyahu could be the next King David

[jmowreader]

17. There's a long list of things they need to do to get Jesus to come back

They're breeding a solid-red calf. They're working on converting the Jews, Muslims etc., to Christianity.

Here's the problem: Assume Jesus came back. He'd fulfill the parable of the sheep and the goats and ship all the Christians-in-name-only straight to Hell. The Bible is very clear about this: not everyone who says "Lord, Lord" will get into Heaven. Only the people who are worthy of going to Heaven will go there.

Chick Theology is a bit different: you can be a Mafia don, kill five hundred people, deal drugs, be a pimp, beat your wife, run protection rackets and in general be a complete piece of shit, but if you yell out "Lord, I believe!" the instant before your cement shoes hit the water, you go straight to Heaven. (I think there really is a Chick tract with that theme...there's one where some asshole sergeant sends his one Christian subordinate on a suicide mission specifically to get him killed, yells out "I believe in Jesus" the instant before he dies in battle and goes to heaven anyway, so obviously deathbed conversions are no problem for Jack's god. Jack's god may be as big a prick as Jack is.)