Founder of Westboro Baptist Church, Rev. Fred Phelps Sr. Dies

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127. Fred Phelps preached hate, but his death is no reason to celebrate

Fred Phelps preached hate, but his death is no reason to celebrate

By Steven Petrow, Published: March 20

On Sunday night, the estranged son of the Rev. Fred Phelps Sr. posted on Facebook that his father, the founder of the Westboro Baptist Church, was near death. From then until his death was formally announced Thursday, the elder Phelps became a trending topic on social media, with the discussion centered on this question: Might it be a cause for celebration?
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Instead, what if those on the receiving end of Phelps’s ideology did the opposite, which is to say, let him go quietly — and without protest — into that good night? Imagine the karma lesson that would be to all those who have supported Westboro Baptist.

Revenge against Phelps — or, frankly, any hateful or toxic person — doesn’t really allow for healing. Joseph Burgo, a psychoanalyst and an author, told me this week: “For those of us who have felt hated and shamed by people like Phelps, the temptation is to turn tables and triumph over their demise. You might think of it as ‘giving back’ the hatred and shame that was inflicted upon us, but this reaction binds us to the other person as long as we continue to feel that way.” He then added that we need to “break the hold of these destructive emotions and move on.”

So, with Phelps’s passing, I suggest we bombard Westboro Baptist with sympathy cards and prayers. Or, as a friend of mine tells me, “Drive your enemies really crazy: Love them.” Okay, maybe not love, but at least not hate. Never hate.


Steven Petrow is a former president of the National Lesbian & Gay Journalists Association and the author of five etiquette books, including “Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners.”

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