Who said “We could have it all?”

[Igel]

5. Government support wouldn't do it.

The VPs a friend nannied for are a good example. They "had it all"--the woman worked as a VP at a financial institution. Nice house. Nice neighborhood. (Okay: Great house. Great neighborhood.) Relatively easy commute. No government support, but enough money to mimic it in spades: Live in nanny.

Except that the woman was "wired" wrong for this. She resented the nannies because her young children considered them closer than "mommy." Kid skins her knee while playing on the weekend with mommy, and cries, asking for the nanny. Little boy accomplishes something with his father, and his father says, "Go show mommy"--and the boy says, "No, I'm going to show aunt Sue!"

So every year the mother insisted on a different nanny. Government support wouldn't help this. Reduced hours, working half-time, would have. But the mother wired to be a stay-at-home mom, the mother wasn't wired to miss seeing her kids growing up.

There's the utilitarian, practical side: money, labor, housework. That you can share. Then there's the emotional side of raising a family. Put the kids in a day care? Won't solve that problem or it'll keep the kids from bonding, which is no less a problem.