Nance Greggs: Dear Alleged News Reporter/Journalist

[pacalo]

3. Fixed News, this has your name all over it!

These are great:

Does your paycheck include bonuses for things like (a) being a spineless shill for the corporations that own your network or sponsor your “news” programming, (b) perfecting the art of “going to commercial” when someone confronts you with the truth, (c) standing outside in a hurricane because your viewers are too fuckin’ stupid to know what a hurricane is without constant visual reminders each time one occurs?


Have you ever considered quitting your current job as a “news person” and going into an alternate, but equally reputable career – like bilking unwary seniors out of their life’s savings, or selling drugs to twelve-year-olds at the local schoolyard?


Are you as dumb, ill-informed, and totally clueless in real life as you are on TV? If so, do you have the staff necessary to tie your shoelaces, remind you what day of the week it is, and ensure you don’t get lost on the two-block walk to the studio?

Thanks, Nance!