Pic Of The Moment: Wait, *What* Crosses An Important Line?

[DFW]

28. Only in Republicanese

In English, conservative means something else entirely, and Fox Noise trying to hijack the term doesn't change that for me:
I am your classic conservative, at least as defined in a dictionary of the English language (as opposed to Republicanese).

I still work for the same outfit that recruited me out of college in 1975. I have been with the same wonderful woman since 1974. We have raised two solid, intelligent children who have grown up, think independently, did well in their respective colleges, and have jobs in which they earn their own living, have stable, long-term relationships, and are well-respected in their chosen fields.

I am risk-averse, and do not like to make rash, un-thought-out decisions. I have no debts. I have no addictions, not even to alcohol, religion, gambling, or nicotine. My favorite American philosopher is the 18th century Thomas Jefferson.

I am the epitome of “conservative.” Why am I a Democrat? Simple: I do not believe that having a different ethnic background, belief, or income makes one a superior or an inferior being to myself.

In Republicanese, of course, "conservative" means pretty much what you said it does.

Just for future reference, and as a public service for those who are unfamiliar with Republicanese:

EXCERPTS FROM THE OFFICIAL DICTIONARY OF REPUBLICANESE

In Republicanese, many words that sound alike may be spelled differently at random. A few prominent examples:

In Republicanese, the following words may be spelled at random using any of the three ways given:

A.) Two, Too, To
B.) Their, They're, There
c.) Your, Yore, You're

The Republicanese version of Robin Hood therefore starts with "In days of you're...."

The only rule is that the correct use of them as in English is never permitted twice in a row.

Words with single letters that change meaning when that letter is doubled must never be used in correct English context. The classic example is “lose” vs. “loose.” In Republicanese, if you do not win an election, then you “loose” that election. Conversely, if your (Republicanese: you’re) belt is too tight, you need it more “lose” in order to be comfortable. Another example would be the Republicanese, “I met Donald Trump, and he was rudder than I imagined,” vs. “I grabbed the ruder and was able to steer the boat to shore.”

In English, the contraction for "it is" is written "it's." To show possession referring to something previously mentioned, one writes "its."
In Republicanese, it is the other way around. Example:
English: “It's impractical for a building to have its solar panels in the basement.”
Republicanese: “Its impractical for a building to have it's solar panels in the basement.”

In Republicanese, an apostrophe is used to form a plural, whereas this is never correct in English. But it must be done at random, never systematically. For example, Bill and Hillary are "the Clinton's," but Bill, Chelsea and Hillary are "the Clintons." The other way around is also correct. In Republicanese, either form is correct as long as it is not spelled the same way twice in a row.
Example:
In English, one writes "The Clintons like dogs."
In Republicanese, this can be written as "The Clinton's like dogs," or "The Clintons like dog's" or "The Clinton's like dog's." The only version that would be incorrect in Republicanese would be to use no apostrophe at all. Only English is written that way.

The full, unabridged Dictionary of Republicanese was stolen from the Library of Congress, and was last seen in a helicopter headed for Mar-a-Lago. These excerpts were from snap shots by renegade Marine guards before it was packed and shipped out of Washington. By now, after 25 years of Fox Noise, there are many people whose native language is Republicanese. Look for anyone using an apostrophe to form a plural.