I'm so sick of being poor [View all]

[nobodyspecial]

it's not even the ability to go out to a movie in a real theater, or go out to eat or have drinks with friends or mindlessly grab a treat while out. It's been so long that I don't even miss those things anymore.

It's the state of panic when something big happens and not being able to do anything about it. I'm down to my last pair of contacts and don't have a current 'script to buy any online. I found a sucky workaround for the laundry tub drain, but now it's the central air conditioner. I hardly even turn it on because I can't afford to run it. But, when it's more than 90 out for a couple of days without cooling down at night, I'll run it and set it at about 78. I was actually scared to turn it on for the first time and my fears were realized. It doesn't work.

Before starting it today, yesterday I replaced the filter and rinsed the coils. I know it's not the thermostat because the blower inside activates and starts circulating the air inside. But the fan in the unit outside won't kick on. I flipped both the circuit breaker and the HVAC unit switch hoping it would reset. Still no luck. And, no, I don't know anyone who can fix it or give me a deal. I'm also afraid that since I'm so clueless, an unscrupulous repair person will try to take me for a ride.

I guess it's a blowup mattress in the unfinished, musty basement for the next few nights. I'm going to school right now to change careers after being downsized three times in the past several years, so I'm out during weekdays, but I worry about my poor little dog. I just hope I'll be able to finally land a new job once I'm done with school. I really don't even want a lot, but it would be nice to take care of basic things instead of always finding a way to do without.

And, yes, I do realize people have it worse. That does nothing to make me feel better.