Anyone have a spouse who's infuriatingly incapable of long-term thinking and riddled with anxiety?

[UTUSN]

21. First, my heart goes out to you.

Next, I shouldn't chime in.

Too late, now that I have. My situation isn't a spouse, it's an elderly (I'm elderly, too) sister near 80, the only closest relative. Stereotypical retired schoolteacher/never married. Older than me 7 yrs. When I was waking up at 10, she was in her teens, makes a difference.

She's always been "difficult." My parents and other older (now deceased) sister all had difficulties with her. We were a "traditional" family background, like, never a nursing home, never professional analysis, never cut ties.

Our contact now is basically by phone, like, once a week. We almost always end up quibbling. She's not a "helpmeet", doesn't companion or share.

The real deal with her is: Passive aggressive. She withholds, never validates, never joins. She has another couple of similarly unrelatable friends. Her main thing in life is taking tours to the nice European places, nothing adventurous, and going to classical music concerts.

She's been in MOZART's bedroom; Stonehenge; gypsy caves in Spain; six weeks study in London. Yet, if you talked to her, she has nothing to say. Oh, she never took pictures because "nobody wants to hear about other people's vacations." There is no record. She doesn't want an obituary. Has no interest in anybody else's opinions or interests, has no empathy for little animals. Nothing.

I feel responsible, can't cut her loose. Also, feel oppressed. She lived with and was caretaker of our parents, and I'm supremely appreciative and grateful for that.

It's a mountain of Passive Aggression.