So. Was seated next to Robert Duvall the other night at a northern Virginia-area restaurant

[Blue_Tires]

32. you should have acted out this scene:

Trapper John: Well, what's the matter with her today?

Hawkeye Pierce: I don't know, I think it's one of those ladies' things.

Trapper John: It's not like her to act like this. She's a bitch, look at my new flannel coat. She's going to have a nervous breakdown.

Hawkeye Pierce: She can't even get out of the door, look.

(Hawkeye sits down with Frank)
Hawkeye Pierce: Morning, Frank. Heard from your wife? A bunch of the boys asked me to, uh, ask you, Frank, what Hot Lips was like in the sack. You know, was she...

Frank Burns: Mind your own business.

Hawkeye Pierce: No Frank, you know, is she better than self-abuse? Does that- does that big ass of hers move around a lot, Frank or does it sort of lie there flaccid? What would you say about that?

Duke Forrest: What's Going on over there, is he getting pointers or something?

Trapper John: Oh no, Hawkeye's trying to get him on an appearance tour.

Duke Forrest: Ohhhh, is that a fact?

Hawkeye Pierce: Would you say that she was a moaner, Frank? Seriously Frank. I mean, does she go "ooooh" or does she lie there quiet and not do anything at all?

Frank Burns: Keep your filthy mouth to yourself.

Hawkeye Pierce: Or does she go "uh-uh-uh"?

Frank Burns: (Frank leaps over the table and attacks Hawkeye)

Hawkeye Pierce: Get him off me! I've got glasses. Get him off me!

Duke Forrest: What's going on, Frank? That lesson one?

Hawkeye Pierce: Frank Burns has gone nuts! I'm wearing glasses, for God's sake.

Trapper John: Watch out for your goodies, Hawkeye. That man is a sex maniac; I don't think Hot Lips satisfied him. Don't let him kiss you, Hawkeye.