I have a major dilemma in my marriage...and I don't know what to do. [View all]

[Buddyblazon]

I'm posting this in here because I don't know where else to post that people will actually read this and hopefully give me advice.

My wife just told me this week that she doesn't want children. I turn 40 in a few weeks. She'll be 40 in Feb.

It's not that she doesn't want to have kids. It's that she says she doesn't want to have kids with me. I'm not abusive. I've never laid a hand on her. I had anger issues earlier in our marriage. But never directed towards her. And she admits that I've totally changed my attitude over the past ten years we've been together...and she says in a positive way. She doesn't want a divorce. She says she loves me with all her heart. And I love her with all my heart. I want to have kids...but I want to have them with her.

Everything I've been working for these past few years was directed at getting us a bigger place...because she had said before our house was too small to have kids in.


I don't know what to do. I am crushed. I've had baby fever for the last 4 or 5 years. I thought she understood that. When we got married she seemed on board with having kids. But she got an IUD about 7 years ago and I kept asking her when she was going to get it out. "Probably in a few months.", was her usual reply.


I don't want a divorce. But I want to have kids. I don't want to force anybody into having children if they don't want to. I think that's a horrible atmosphere to raise a child. So now I know that she doesn't want to have kids with me, and if she were to suddenly change her mind tomorrow, I know it would be for the wrong reason....simply to please me.


So what do I do? Do I get out and try to find someone who wants to have a baby? Do I just try to convince myself that I'm ok with this? I'm afraid that I'm going to begin to harbor anger for her. I feel like I was lied to and duped.

Any advice would be appreciated.