I have a major dilemma in my marriage...and I don't know what to do.

[hay rick]

26. A couple of questions to think about.

When you said she doesn't want to have kids with you, what does that mean? She doesn't want your DNA? She doesn't trust your parenting skills or commitment? She isn't confident in your ability to provide economically? She doesn't want to commit to being together for the next 18+ years while raising a child together? Any of these could be covered by "not wanting to have a kid with you"- but they are all quite different.

At her age, both her health and the health of the baby could be issues. Getting an IUD at 33 sure sounds like a decision to shut down the baby machine. It also sounds like earnest discussions about having kids would have been appropriate at that time. Did she lead you on or did you avoid having a full, frank discussion? It's easy to put off discussions/arguments while the biological clock still has a lot of time left on it- and it's also natural to panic when the time is about to run out and the default choice will be made for you.

Adoption is the obvious "next best" solution if you want to have your own family and keep your marriage together. Good luck in resolving your marital problem.