... yeah I probably would have, a few times already. In some ways, maybe I already did. Between 1997 and 2012, wife and I moved 8 times through 5 states. All were planned, and tied to a job change. Except for one, which was a "get me the hell outta here and I'll go anywhere" thing. Took a job people had warned me, "Don't ever work there." They were right.
At times in the past, I would reflect on things and say to my wife, "We should not have done X. We should have instead done Y." She argued against this saying we are where we are, and we might not be there had we not done what we did. Once we had kids, she could throw that at me. "If we hadn't moved from this place to that other place, we might have had our kids." I eventually conceded this. She was right.
It's true with everything in one's life. It's a tapestry. Everything you do, everything that happens, all melds together.
When the wife and I were first together as boyfriend and girlfriend, shacked up for about 8 years, she tells me how I used to be extremely angry over lots of things. Leads me to sometimes ask, "So why did you stay with me?" Overall she's not entirely sure, but she does say she loved me and still loves me.
Whenever she's asked me, "Why were you so angry?", I remind her about the molestation. Molested by a Boy Scout leader as a kid will fuck up your head. Time heals, but it definitely changes you and you're never the same. Puts you down a different path.
Last time we moved, it was pretty close to desperation. Out of work for 7 months, bankruptcy, foreclosure, and took a job with the state making almost 40% less and with healthcare benefits that puts us in the underinsured category. Next year, we'll switch to a different, more expensive, plan. Economy plans aren't economical. Still buying our meds from Canada. Gaia Bless Canada, and Gaia Bless Canadian Healthcare. They're pretty close to keeping us alive.
One very positive thing about the move, was the Olympia School District has been awesome. Old district was good, but Olympia is great! Our 11 year old is somewhere on the spectrum, they figured that out pretty fast, since we moved here in early April so they only had 2 months to figure him out. Got him placed in a great program for Middle School next year. I sleep easier at night knowing that.
Biking to work, no need for a second car, which got totaled in 2009. Still I worry at times over will we have enough to make it through the month with enough food. WIC wasn't a huge amount of benefit, but that $20-$25 worth of food was very welcomed. Been hunting for a second job. Not a lot out there.
We survive day by day. Paycheck by paycheck. If the rent goes up next year, do we move? If that fuckhead Rob McKenna becomes Washington's Governor, state employees and most residents are likely fucked.
I share this only in the hope that it is some small solace to know:
It is not your fault, and there is nothing wrong with you.
The world is fucked up today, and it is the fault of a small group of rich, arrogant, privileged, bastards.
Things will turn.
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