In Memoriam [View all]

[malthaussen]

Probably too personal, but I am so sad now, I don't care. I crave the Indulgence of the Court. This is just by way of "goodbye" to someone (I doubt anyone on DU knew her) I never wanted to say goodbye to.

In 1973-74, I loved a girl. She was my best friend then, she is still one of the two or three best friends I ever had. I was 17/18, she was 24/25. Any time during the past 38 years, I would have married her in a heartbeat, if she'd have had me. She wouldn't though and she was probably right. (I can see your sardonic grin right now, girl) She left me with two quotes I use frequently: "Timing is everything," and "If it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be." Maybe not too profound, but serviceable in so many situations. We were friends, never lovers, and in '74 she sailed away. For awhile, anyway.

In 1980 I faced the worst crisis of my life (so far). Out of the clear blue, six years after she'd left, I called her up and asked for her love and support, and she never hesitated an instant. No surprise to anyone who knew her, she was the truest and most loyal friend anyone could want. She'd closed that distant door behind her, but would open it out of love and the goodness of her heart. Maybe she saved my life -- it's possible. And so we parted again -- friends but not lovers, however much we may have loved -- for good, I figured.

And so it was, except in 1986 I met her in the elevator at the university. She was just starting a BA (at 37, just like her), I was working on my PhD. I invited her to my office -- she never did come by. 73-74 had been bad years for her (not because of me, though. Or not much) I know she wanted to forget them -- and I wouldn't have wanted to stir up bad times for her for anything. Timing... is everything.

And now, of course, she is dead. She died July 8th, I just found out today when I decided to see if she was on Facebook. Imagine my surprise. Anytime during the past few years, I could have sent an email, just to tell her she has never been forgotten... but if it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be.

As the years pile up, and friends and lovers die, and even my brother, too... how easy it is to understand that simple old saw: "The secret of life is to love and be loved in return." Yet every one of us, it seems, must relearn that secret, again and again. DU, please forgive the too-personal nature of this post. Alene, I will always love you.

-- Mal